December 2012 ended up being the month of delayed tech launches. From the iPhone 5 in South Korea to the Unha-3 rocket in North Korea, from the Grand Theft Auto 5 to the Xbox 720, the festive spirit had obviously slowed things down. Things were no different at USA (Ulhasnagar Spurious Applications), the hotbed of duplicate products.
A deadly trio was to be launched before the year ended — Acebook, a networking site for friends and family; Interest, an online photo-sharing site; and EuTube, a video sharing site. And the plan was simple — to overtake the current favourites Facebook, Pinterest and YouTube, and become the choice of a billion. The delay had been a deterrent, but if the plan could work in December, it could work in January as well, right?
“So what’s this plan?” asked Interest. “Simple,” growled Acebook, “We’ll bring them all together and unleash a deadly virus that’ll finish them.” “How about inviting them all to a party?” enquired EuTube. “I like that,” said Acebook, showing the thumbs up sign. “But what kind of party? We missed the New Year bash.”
“Let’s have a great tech party — the kind the world has never seen,” replied EuTube, changing channels. “But we’ve got to keep it young and happening — wouldn’t want those 30-plus relics such as PC, Mouse and Floppy to land up.” “I’m pinning my hope on you guys to do something about it,” said Interest. EuTube thought for a while. “Let’s have 30 years as a cut-off — only those under 30 will be allowed entry.” “Fantastic — I wish I could share this,” mused Acebook. And so the day was fixed, invites were forwarded — and the crowd began to land up.
As expected, GooglePlus, Picasa and GMail hung out together. Flickster and MouthShut were huddled in a corner, discussing movies. “Where’s Geni?” someone asked. “Sorry, no family types allowed in this party,” guffawed EuTube. GoodReads walked in, but left in a huff when Pink Floyd's ‘We Don't Need No Education’ blared across the dance floor. LinkedIn felt a bit out of place as it was not a party for the serious types.
DeviantArt’s entry was greeted with sniggers from Instagram and Flickr. “Here comes the arty type,” they whispered. MySpace and Orkut stared into their empty glasses, sighing from time to time. “At least, it’s not all gloom and doom for us,” said Orkut pointing at another corner where Google Buzz, Google Wave and iGoogle were crying into their handkerchiefs. “What’s that crowd there?” wondered Digg. “Oh, those 140 characters out there? That’s Twitter,” said Blogger enviously.
EuTube, Acebook and Interest quietly retreated behind Acebook’s wall. “Now,” Acebook whispered, “let the virus loose”. “I already did,” Interest whispered back. “Then why is nothing happening?” Acebook wondered aloud. “What could have gone wrong?” asked EuTube, tears streaming down his face in real time. Interest looked around, rapidly capturing pictures of everyone around. “Hey, where’s Internet? He’s not to be found. All I got was a 404 message...”
EuTube rapidly went through the video footage of the evening. “Hey look, he was here, but the security didn’t let him in.” “So that’s why the virus didn’t spread,” Acebook commented, “because there was no Internet. And they all got away.” “But why didn’t the security guys let him in?” wondered Interest. Acebook turned blue in the face. “Things would have been different had we been launched in December 2012.” “Why?” enquired EuTube.
“Don’t you know? Internet turned 30 this January 1.”
(sureshl.india@gmail.com)
