Q 1. What are the cues that I may not be what is traditionally called 'straight'?
There are no ‘cues’ apart from the direction in which your sexual attraction flows. If it is towards people of the gender that is the same as yours, your orientation is homosexual (lesbian or gay), if different from yours it is heterosexual (straight) and if it goes both ways, bisexual. If you do not feel sexual attraction or sex really doesn’t matter to you, you may be asexual. Someone’s appearance, hobbies, skills, interests and so on are not an indication of the direction of their sexual desires.
Q 2. A number of people are clear about their sexual orientation, while many aren't. Is there a process to understand oneself?
Ask yourself this: Is there a process by which ‘straight’ people understand themselves as being heterosexual? No, there’s no such thing, you say, because it is taken for granted. When one lives in a society where the only accepted model of expressing sexual love and desire is heterosexuality, a person who feels differently may not know what name to give to how they feel, or whether their feelings are valid, and that’s why they may not be clear about their sexual orientation. It is not so much about understanding oneself (as if one has a psychological problem!), but about recognizing that one’s desires are as real and rightful as anyone else’s.
Q 3. How important is coming out and to whom?
Coming out (telling others) is a way of saying “This is who I am.” That’s why it is important to many people. It is usually a gradual process, confined initially to telling only a small trusted circle of people, and slowly expanding that circle. In some cases it may be safer not to come out if the reactions are going to be hostile or violent, and to wait till one is in a less precarious position.
Q 4. Life as a person who ascribes to a different sexual orientation from what is considered 'normal' is often closed. What are the complications that can come about because of this?
It can take its toll in different ways from having to hide an important part of oneself from family, friends and co-workers to facing discrimination (even by the law), abuse and violence. Not mere complications, in some cases these are a matter of life and death. For this to change, we need real inclusion and not lip-service ‘tolerance’.
