Everyone is very upset about a private hospital making 525% profit on syringes, which seems a little unfair. Fabindia makes the same on moong dal, and no one seems to mind. But Arnab is furious, and newspapers have been critical. We are shocked by the shadiness. I have no idea why.
The medical profession has always been shady. Until the mid-fifties, doctors were endorsing cigarettes (‘Throat doctors vote Old Gold is best for your throat!’). They even suggested it as a cure for asthma. Enterprising pharma companies were selling morphine to babies, promising miraculous results, which they delivered. Their portions were generous. For example, one ounce of Mrs Winslow’s Soothing Syrup contained 65 mg of morphine.
One of the first commercial applications of radium was in Radium Hand Cleaner, which promised to ‘remove everything but the skin’. Electro shock therapy has been used to cure impotence. This involved machinery. A popular model was the Doctor Bell Electro Appliance, an electrified belt with a small noose to hold the organ. Dr Sanden’s Electric Belt and Suspensory for Weak Men was very similar, but with some added benefits. Apart from seminal weakness and lost manhood, it also helped with poor memory.
The health industry was very active during the reign of Queen Victoria. Some Victorian doctors realised that moodiness was a serious medical condition, which afflicted women, with symptoms including nervousness, irritability, and a tendency to cause trouble. Unable to figure out that it was because of the corsets, they found a cure, which became wildly popular in both the UK and the US. This process involved vigorous manipulation by a licensed medical practitioner, which was supposed to continue until ‘hysterical paroxysm’ was achieved. Some doctors even advertised, with one ad from this period by Dr Swift, showing him kneeling before his patient, with one hand up her skirt, while she looks away modestly.
Defying the principle that what goes in must come out, medieval European doctors also promoted enemas. They even invented a device for it, called the clister, a metal tube that looks like a holi pichkari, except with a small cup connected to the pointy end. The practice became very widespread. We all know about Gandhi-ji, but what is less well-known is that Louis XIV of France was a big fan. He had over 2,000 enemas, including some when he sat on the throne.
The conclusion is simple. Throughout history, a large chunk of the medical profession has been trying to separate us from our money, ruthlessly and without pity, just because we were having fun while they were studying for their medical exams. So there’s no point getting upset about 500% mark-ups on syringes. That’s normal. You’re probably just jealous. What you really have to ask yourself is, what else are they up to?
In Shovon Chowdhury’s most recent novel, Murder With Bengali Characteristics , Crazy Wu creates a special helmet for Governor Wen, but it does not cure his depression.
