First it was basmati, then it was yoga. Foreigners are constantly stealing from us. World Yoga Day is our way of reclaiming our heritage, and in schools across the nation, it’s compulsory. It’s also very entertaining. On this day, every year, our TV screens are filled with images of Nitin Gadkari, Amit Shah and Arun Jaitley, trying to do the padmasana. This is a move in the right direction. If anyone needs to do some yoga, it’s them. They promised us a Government of heavyweights, and there is no doubt that they have delivered. Kilo for kilo, this has to be the single heaviest cabinet that India has ever had. Not that the others were pixies, but this group is clearly in a higher weight class. Whenever a minister goes missing for a few days, I worry that his colleagues may have eaten him. It’s always a relief when he reappears.
When they go to dine with Dalits, specially reinforced tables are brought in to bear the load of the buffet. Each and every one of them has, at some point, been photographed with a plate of puris. It’s an ongoing process. They’re expanding in front of our eyes. Personally, I blame the ghee. Ghee is rich. Ghee is wholesome. Ghee is a blessing. Ghee clarifies and purifies the soul. Our legendary wrestlers drank it like Coca Cola. But they also juggled enormous implements for several hours every day. In the absence of such activity, nothing adds substance to a man like ghee. This is what has happened to our cabinet.
Doing a bit of yoga, even if it requires assistants, is the least that they can do. It also reflects very positively on the fundamental integrity of The Hindu , which started this health feature when the cabinet was at the height of its power. At a time when the entire socio-political milieu was pointing towards ghee, and the air was filled with cries of ‘Have one more aloo paratha!’, this paper launched a supplement that promotes healthy eating and exercise. Despite all the evidence of a direct correlation between deep-fried food and material success, proved beyond doubt by our leaders, and the rapid outburst of paneer, they have refused to compromise on their principles. Inspired by their example, we should support World Yoga Day. We must encourage our elected representatives to spend this day fanning out across the country and demonstrating asanas to their subjects. If they continue to do so, sincerely and well, then one day, quite soon, we will have lighter, nimbler ministers, quickly leaping to our service whenever we need them.
The writer’s most recent novel, Murder With Bengali Characteristics , contains no paneer.
