I am 45 years old and I’m addicted to pornography. I am married, but feel dissatisfied in my sexual relationship. I have tried to share it with my spouse, but it has not helped. What can I do about it?
An addiction is a serious medical problem, and a person faces withdrawal symptoms if what he is addicted to is taken away. If this is true, then you need professional help immediately. A psychologist will be able to guide you. If what you are missing is a deeper connect with your wife, then perhaps you could look at couple therapy. Watching pornography is all right, as long as you choose to do it knowingly, and understand that the people in the sexual acts are actors and the acts are exaggerated. Sometimes guilt forms an obstruction in the way we cultivate relationships. If that is the case, then you may want to suspend watching porn and seek fulfilment (not just sexual) in the real world.
Many people say counselling is only for those who have big troubles. Is that true?
Counselling is a way in which mental health professionals support you, by listening, and giving you a space to share what is most important to you. It’s a place where you can share your thoughts and feelings openly, and the counsellor helps create an environment where you feel safe to share. Counselling can be sought by anyone, no matter what the phase of life. We have our doors open to anyone who is keen on working on themselves, to deepen their understanding of themselves, to be more effective in any area of life, or to work with difficulties in relationships, career, or habits that are not supporting them to live fully. For children, adults who feel the child may benefit from help, can seek a counsellor. I understand thatGoing to a mental health professional has a lot of stigma attached to it, and it is this that we are trying to break. Being physically ill is not looked at poorly, but people with mental health problems are often blamed for having them in the first place. Look at it this way: if a person is overweight, he can take remedial measures before he gets weight-related diseases such as diabetes. Similarly, before a worry becomes too big to handle, it’s a good idea to speak to a professional who may be able to help you work your way through a situation or problem.
Parul Agarwal, psychologist, seekspark.com
