According to UNICEF, the United Nations Children’s Fund, in India more than 50 per cent of the children face some form of sexual abuse. In most cases, the abuser is known to the child and trusted by the family. The numbers are even higher in the case of emotional and physical abuse. In most cases of emotional abuse, the abusers are the parents themselves.
These numbers may vary for other countries, but sadly child abuse is a worldwide phenomenon, and these startling figures scream out for every child who has been abused, and for us to make the world safer for them.
It has become really important, and it is high time for us, to make children aware of their own safety, their right to safety, and how they can take measures to protect themselves when parents cannot be with them, in the hope that they can stay safe and also help save others.
Abusers know their victims’ weakness. They commit crimes when they know they could get away with it. He may assume that the child will not talk about it, or that even if the child mentions the incident, it may not be believed. He may also assume that no strict action would be taken if he is found out, or that it will be difficult to trace him.
It is important for the child to have love and support at home, especially from parents. Otherwise the child may seek love elsewhere and may fall victim to abusers who lure victims by means of false promises.
Talking to children and getting to know about what is going on in their lives, and how they feel about everything around themselves, is the basis of bonding with and understanding the child. If we are not aware of how our child lives his or her daily life, his or her personality (that keeps evolving and changing with time), and how he or she perceives everything, we simply will not be in a position to help. Without such understanding, trying to handle difficult situations for the child will be akin to solving a puzzle without knowing what exactly needs to be solved.
Children as young as three can be made aware of ways in which they can understand about their own safety: how to build trust, whom to trust, how to identify warning signs and signals, and how to prevent abuse.
Here are some of my own personal safety ideas as a mother:
* It always helps to encourage the child to share what happens with him or her at school and elsewhere. Even if the child returns home happy, it is always good to know and remain informed about the people who have been with the child and how he or she is being treated.
* The child should be taught about the importance of personal space, and where and how he or she should not be touched.
* Identify warning signs. Abusers typically study their prey, and gain trust before attacking, so it is important for the child to know the warning signs beforehand. For example, if someone asks the child to be alone with him or her repeatedly, asking the child to lie or to keep a secret, or talk inappropriately when the child is alone, asking the child to undress or show them inappropriate images or videos, or trying to touch the child inappropriately. The child should immediately inform other trusted adults about such incidents.
* Some abusers and bullies could be manipulative. The abuser may also try to humiliate or belittle the child to make the child lose confidence, become weak or submissive. The child should know that he or she should not be belittled in any way, and only be guided calmly if he or she happens to make a mistake.
* Besides strangers, the child should be told to be careful with everyone else as well. “Be it a close relative or mother or dad’s friend, it does not matter. If he or she harms you in any way, tell us and we will support you. Do not have any fear or inhibitions. Save yourself first.”
* Teach them that “it is OK to say no.” Whenever the child feels unsafe or uncomfortable, he or she should be told to say ‘No’ strongly, run away screaming, and share such incidents immediately with teachers at school and at home.
* The child should not accept favours and eatables from others without permission from trusted adults.
* It is important that the child be not discouraged if one or two adults don’t listen to his or her concerns. He or she should share them with as many adults as possible, until someone is ready to help.
Awareness is the key. When they know what to do, they are more assertive, more confident and safer.
sonia@smartmomz.com
