I was really young when I came across the belief, mostly among men, that women cannot drive. I don’t have a brother but have lots of cousins, and we all grew up together. Most of my cousin brothers are older than I am and they all learned to drive very early on. My father tried to teach my elder sister but she was not that interested in cars or in learning how to drive. I, on the other hand, was ecstatic about the chance to learn how to. But at 11 years, I was deemed too young. I have to admit, being able to drive a car seemed such an amazing thing.
I was in Class XI when finally I could simultaneously reach the pedals and see above the dashboard. I had already learnt how to ride a two-wheeler, so knew the dos and don’ts of traffic. I started begging my father to teach me to drive. After his experience with my sister, he was a little surprised at the interest I was showing and agreed to give me lessons. Fortunately or unfortunately, my taking driving lessons did not go unnoticed, and soon my brothers had started teasing me with the one chorus a woman like me cannot tolerate: Women Can’t Drive!
My first reaction to this was that of shock. I couldn’t believe my brothers would say that to me. After all, I had never said something so hurtful to them while they were all learning. But more than anything else, I could not understand the genesis of this idea: from where did it come? Was it the fact that there were far fewer women compared to men taking the wheel back then? I could not understand why anyone would think having an X chromosome instead of Y made one a poorer driver? Over the period that encompassed my learning curve to be a driver, I noticed the men around me passing many such comments, especially when there was a poor driver ahead they were trying to overtake and out came, along with those swear words we all reserve to address irritating drivers on the street, the comment: “It must be an aunty.”
Driving is a skill that requires a lot of confidence and even more judgment, especially when it comes to parking in tight spaces. It is something we all master with practice. The more one drives in confined spaces, the better one gets at it. By the time I had completed my board exams, I could drive a car without needing an escort. But at 15, I lacked experience. I had now started insisting that my father allow me to drive every time there was an opportunity. Which meant I would be driving with my father guiding me while my brothers were in the back seat.
I remember one such incident when I was behind the wheels of a Bolero Camper, a pick-up truck with no power steering, and was trying to bring it out from an extremely tight parking spot. There was a BMW parked behind the Camper and its proud (lady) owner was standing nervously right next to it. Being a novice, I was having a little difficulty getting the Camper out, a difficulty made worse by my nervousness at what would happen if I bumped into the BMW, especially with my cousins (and more than half of the building) watching. I knew that if I bumped the car, their belief that women cannot drive would become stronger and I would never be able to refute it. Not to mention the steady and extremely irritating drone of the BMW’s owner. It went something like this: Beta, papa ko gaadi de do. Aap se nahi ho payega. Aap bohut chote ho. Aur phir, ladkiya itna acha nahi chala sakti hai na. (Child, give the car to your father. You will not be able to do it. You are too young and anyway, girls cannot drive that well.) Needless to say, the moment those words left her mouth, neither me nor my father was willing to let go. He told me not to pay attention to anyone but him. I eventually managed to get the vehicle out of its parking spot with a perfectly timed reverse and impressive judgment.
I learnt to drive at a very young age, and have been driving over the past 12 years. I have never scratched my car or bumped it or had any kind of an accident — not even when I was learning. I knew how to change a flat, how to start a car whose batteries are down and carry out minor emergency repairs by the time I was 16. I was able to do so because my father never believed women cannot do what men can. I am a better driver than many of the (dare I say it) men in my life. I’m writing this because I want to convey to people the effect statements such as “women can’t become engineers”, “women can’t be scientists” and “women can’t be mathematicians”, can have on young girls. Had it not been for my father, I would have probably believed I cannot drive as well as my brothers for my entire life.
Such statements are destructive and have a very bad impact on a girl’s self-image. Women have to fight tougher battles than young men, because they have to learn skills while being constantly reminded that they are women and hence will never be able to do the job as well as a man. Which means that if she screws up, it’s because she’s a woman. Men do not have to worry about such judgment calls and hence are free to make mistakes, which only gives them further opportunity to become better. They are not tied down by the constant worry about how society would judge them. Since they don’t have to battle prejudices, their path to learning is uncluttered and free. It is unfortunate that our society does not extend the same courtesy to women.
I have seen an impressive amount of growth in the number of women daring to take the wheel. Unfortunately, the belief that ‘women can’t drive’ still remains.
