W hen I do not get sugar-free black coffee, I get angry. When my boss asks me to re-do any work, I get angry. We all feel this strong emotion, anger, in our lives at some points. But what is anger, which controls us completely? Well, in terms of science, it is our strong reaction towards unfavourable circumstances, people and events that our mind does not approve. We usually get angry if we feel our desires are subjected to the violation and we can do nothing in that case but feel angry.
It has been said, “He who angers you conquers you.” Though anger is a way of reflecting our emotions towards things, situations, people and so on, it weakens us and strengthens the opponent. Our mind reacts to the given situation by personalising it. The million-dollar question is, how do we personalise things?
This can be best understood from the life of the Buddha. The story goes that he was once travelling through a village along with his pupils. They visited a house seeking some food and the woman of the house insulted them by calling them thugs. On listening to such degrading remarks, the Buddha smiled and walked away blessing her.
But his pupils were in anger and shock over the Buddha’s reaction. They kept walking with him but were still angry at the woman and finally asked the Buddha how he could maintain such a calmness and a smiling attitude when faced with such an unfavourable situation. The Buddha merely smiled, and started explaining to them thus:
“Her words belong to her. I’m not a thug and I know this. If I know who I am, I don’t need to be angry. I would have been angry if I was a thug and she called me the same. If the situation does not reflect myself, I do not need to react.
“A reaction is valid only when something related to us is attacked or pointed out. She carries the burden of her own words as those are a reflection of herself. I don’t need to carry the burden of someone else’s folly by personalising it within myself. Thus I remained calm but the lady got angry.”
In short, we attach ourselves to the negativity of people or situations and carry its burden on us by personalising it. As we carry it, it destroys the peace of mind and we deliver the same to others with whom we interact.
Detachment from others’ actions is therefore the key to conquering anger in us and taking the path of peace.
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