This is a plea to all women — stand up for yourself, stand up for other women.
A burglar breaks into a bank and says he was “provoked” by the huge amount of money kept there. Is his explanation accepted? No. When a person is murdered, and the murderer says he was “provoked,” is he left scot-free? No. Corporal punishment is condemned and many teachers who meted out inhuman punishments have been brought to book. And if they say they were provoked by the student’s behaviour, is it accepted? Never.
When why do men think it is acceptable in the case of rape? And yet, that was the exact reaction that came from many quarters, especially from policemen, when the shocking gang rape of a 23-year-old in Delhi came to light. And shockingly, most women too, think that victims of rape and molestation bring it upon themselves.
This attitude is deeply rooted in our patriarchal system, where the male alone gets to make all decisions and where the women are forced into submission and are made to believe that they have no right to live their lives for themselves, the way they want to. And if they violate this decree, they are asking for trouble. And what’s more, the women who are submissive will force other women too into submission.
It starts right in our families, where the son is given more importance than a daughter, and a free rein. A boy’s bad behaviour is most likely to be dismissed “as typical of a male.” And what do we get? We get men who think that any kind of behaviour is acceptable, including violence, and he can get away with it, simply because he is male. They think it is the women who should know their limits, and not the men. And it is certainly this attitude that exists in homes, which blames the girl entirely and encourages such incidents in our country.
When a sexual abuse occurs within the family, the women who are closely related to the victim create a false impression that the responsibility rests with the victim alone. This creates feelings of guilt, depression and hopelessness in the victim, and she will find no support, even from her own mother, to complain against the culprits.
There are limits to a woman’s patience and tolerance, and men have far exceeded these limits. It is time that women stopped taking the blame for men’s crimes. It is time that women realised that it is never their fault. That they alone have the right over their bodies and their dignity, and that no man has the right to even touch them without their permission. It is time that women spoke out, fearlessly. It is time that women were provoked. Provoked to fight back.
The bystander phenomenon has gone on long enough in India. This is a plea to all women — stand up for yourself, stand up for other women. You see some girl in trouble, immediately go to her aid — each and every woman in the crowd — reach there, mob the molester, give him a public lesson he will never forget. Start doing this, and you will see the bullies cower.
A bully lasts only as long as his victim fears him. Women power has always been underestimated. Power does not lie in muscles. Power lies in retaliating. Together. This act does not need a Bill to be passed by Parliament. It needs no law to be enforced. It needs only courage.
As for those so-called educated men, who believe that this situation is a result of women crossing their limits in their dressing, let me remind them of an incident in the Ramayana. When Sita was abducted by Ravana and her ornaments were shown to her husband Ram and brother-in-law Lakshman, Lakshman could identify only her anklets. Because he had looked only at her feet, out of respect. And this respect for women is what is lacking in men today. Before you criticise women for losing their morals and not emulating Sita, remember that you have lost your values and do not respect women anymore. Change yourself first!
(Email:snehaverghese@yahoo.co.in)
Keywords: gang-rape victim, gang-rape case, women's issues
Amazingly written....
I totally agree when you say that it is high time women need to start
standing up for themselves.
As the writer says, even if a Bill is passed it may not really work as
what matters is standing up against what is wrong and it would be better
if the retaliating is done TOGETHER. It is UNITY alone that can help in
enforcing laws.
I recently saw a movie where, a shopkeeper, who failed to fix his lock
gets robbed, and his insurance company rejects his claim calling it a
negligence. That does not mean that the insurance company is supporting
the robbers. This is somewhat similar. People who advise women to not
"provocate" men are real well wishers of women. The court is there to
punish the men who did the crime, but a common man, who does not have
the capacity to change all the criminals is just suggesting the good
people a way to avoid difficulties. I don't see any harm in it.
An article that sheds light on the present situation. Men never take responsibilities for their bad deeds.They want women to be their subordinates at all costs. Only when this attitude changes,and men start respecting all women, can the situation change.
I feel the article is an immature outburst of anger over the current trend of seeing the women in commercial or utility perspective.The examples the writer has put forth to bring her point home ,are nice to read but when we think deeply it seems a little anachronic.How can we compare the behaviour traits of a god-like epic based character to our present day men.
The writer seemed to be too impatient to get the things right on the track so she reaches into abrupt inferences.One thing is for sure that it is high time that women leraned to stand for herself not being submissive to the intimidation tactics of menfolk.
When we initiate a close study,we can understand that the way women have changed their dressing style too have had some negative effect on them.Some people argue that it their right to chooose whatever they want to wear.I agree that it is but with the increasing trend of rapes,I feel it is beeter to have a retrospection in this regard.
It is very pathetic comparision on boys/men... I think the writer is not being rational here. I do believe that once someone gets caught for a crime he/she cannot be given a lenient punishment because of provoked.The example that should be told here is, inspite of the provocation, men should refrain from doing the crime.
Provocation is a kind of crime, there is a limit for that.Then why does our police catch hold of persons who make provocative speeches?? You had started with a bank robbery, Do you think the bank robbery will be less if the bank had no security? if the bank kept their money out in open, in front of their building??
If it had been olden days, yes it would have been safe. But not anymore society has changed, people mindset has changed. So important thing would be- men/women to dress properly and women should be given security or taught to guard themselves. And the person doing the crime should be severely punished.
//A bully lasts only as long as his victim fears him//. A jewel of a sentence in the entire article!.
very good argument. this must silent all male chauvinists.
but counter argument for this that many give is banks still have security and we lock our homes. so women must be cautious at the same time also stand up for their own safety.
The patriarchal blood is within woman also.Unless a brutal incident like Delhi rape is magnified by the media, male domination has been taken for granted and it has to be admitted that mothers have cherished and nourished the idea of superior manhood for a long time.The mother of a 'son' has her own pride and she is definitely responsible to some extent for not inculcating discipline in her sons. A boy is born as innocent as a girl & the lack of control transforms him into a demon in a few cases.There is no use of blaming the criminals alone.The criminal makers,the parents,especially the mothers have to consciously change their attitude.How long can one sustain with packed food, and imparted advice?Change has to come from within.
Rightly so I admit that its character problem of men who molest women, not the
dressing of women. May be you have generalised way too much. I know many a lot of
men who respect women a lot. Unlike our previous generations women are enjoying
freedom and breaking out of shackles of male chauvinism. Can't expect things to
change any sooner. This will take time.
I second you on saying that women should stand up for themselves more often, else no bill/law could help them.Don't compromise.
The author's observations are true and the solutions just right. It is within the power of women to protect themselves as well as to change society from within (by inculcating right attitude in boys). This realisation is crucial for progess. Though laws and their enforecement have their place, waiting passively for the government to do something is, as we can see from the government's planned ordinance and how it falls short in many ways, often too little too late.
I fully agree that A bully lasts only as long as his victim fears him. Women power has always been underestimated. Power does not lie in muscles. Power lies in retaliating. Together. This act does not need a Bill to be passed by Parliament. It needs no law to be enforced. It needs only courage.
It is A factor. If you ignore the truth, you will never solve the problem.
Stringent laws and severe punishment against perpetrators of ghastly crime like rape will no doubt go a long way towards mitigating the menace, but this alone will not be sufficient. The problem which, is deep-rooted calls for a radical change in the mindset of every parent. First of all,they should stop the pernicious habit of pampering a male child as against the female member and treat everyone alike without any sign of discrimination. Secondly, the parents should themselves, by their own conduct and behaviour, contribute to the harmonious running of the family and thus set an example to their children to follow and eventually turn out to be useful members of society.
A well written piece..the first two paragraphs and the last one said it
all....no body has a right to transgress ones' limits of freedom..and as
Lord Atkinson once said"your freedom to hold the umbrella in a
raining street is limited to the extent it does not hurt the neihbhour's
nose"(Not verbatim reproduction and something close to that)Every
one has to keep a distance from the other person, men or women and
if this discipline can be inculcated......then I think we are reaching
something called moderate civilisation..I am almost 69 years old and
studied in co education institutions and my children too..we used to
escort our class mates up to their home(as my children were dropped
many years later) when it is dark not for any other reason except that
it was the tradition,,,where did that go now? in the last 10 or 15 years
I hear more of sexual crimes than ever before..God save this country
and put wisdom into all.
Let me remind the writer that in the same Ramayana Ravana did not even touch Sita after abducting her and confining her to Ashok van in Lanka. For the crime of abduction Ravana's effigy is burnt every year in parts of the country. Women activists do not look at the other side of the coin. There would be any number of incidents where women outrage the modesty of young impressionable boys in their preadolescent years by seducing them. True there are more cases of men indulging in sexual assault but at the same time women too are not paragons of virtue.
In short the whole society needs to be transformed so that gender equality is respected. It is women also who perpetuators of crimes against women. For ages mothers in law are known to subject their daughters in law to unspeakable cruelty and being a party to the men's sexual assaults. Balance your views women!
Sneha:
You wrote correctly. Man with double standard cannot judge anyone. These are golden words in your article "Before you criticise women for losing their morals and not emulating Sita, remember that you have lost your values and do not respect women anymore. Change yourself first! " Man will flirt with some one but he expects his wife to be faithful to him only. Let us see how many woman appreciate this article.
Isabel Allende is a distinguished writer and a passionate. She was
one of the five women, including Sophia Loren and three Nobel
Laureates, Flag carriers at the Milan Olympics. Her 15 minute
passionate speech, entitled "Passionate Tales" accessible as a video
on YouTube and audio on web is a desirable viewing for all mothers
and daughters, fathers and brothers and especially sons. An immediate
solution is essential, but the problem deserves a lasting vigilance.
Hence a segment of BBC's Heart and Soul, titled Hindu Women or Sita,
Draupadi and Kali, also accessible through Google, is a useful aid to
understanding the past efforts.
Respect is never commanded. It arises in our social relations because it is instinctively
embedded in our psyche. We need to have personal values which include respect for
women. The larger question is : Do we a create a social atmosphere that conduce to it?
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