Blessed is the man who has the gift of making friends. It involves many things, but above all, it’s the power of going out of one’s self and seeing and approaching whatever is noble and living in the other man.
— Thomas Hughes
Some people have a number of friends, others have a few, and still others, very few in number, have none. Most of those in the last category live alone, for some unknown reason. Those who have many friends might wonder how anyone could live without them. This is because we need friends to share our joys and sorrows.
Human life is so complex. Some people make friends quite easily while others find it difficult to forge a friendship with another person. However, it is very easy to make enemies. I remember a colleague who virtually made an enemy almost every day! He would always have a sarcastic smile on his face. He had no kind words for others, only harsh criticism. When some of his colleagues advised him to mend his ways, he simply said, “I’m not running for a popularity contest!”
Apart from such abnormal people, most of us know the value of friendship. Even if some of us may not have the gift of making friends easily, we strive hard to achieve our target.
Happy moments
It is well known that if you let someone entirely to himself, he will never be able to enjoy the happy moments of his existence. Such a person will exist like a tree or rock without sharing his feelings. The Roman orator Cicero said, “Friendship improves and abates misery by the doubling of our joys and our griefs.”
Some people have the rare gift of making friends wherever they happen to be. Such charismatic people do not need any guidance to make friends.
Even if we do not have the charisma to make friends, there is nothing to worry. Modern psychologists have shown us the way to make friends. The first step in making friendships is to enlarge your circle of acquaintances. Then you will be able to select a few to have a lasting bond of friendship.
Smiling face
In the first place, you should have a smiling face. Most people hesitate to strike a friendship with someone who does not smile. Former Sri Lankan President Chandrika Kumaratunga in her heyday probably won thousands of votes with her smile! Former U.S. President Bill Clinton too had a smiling face. As a result, he won too many hearts of the opposite sex! A New YorkTimes cartoonist depicted him seated at a table with his “IN” tray full of “Affairs”.
Until a friendship is forged we should not discuss controversial subjects such as politics and religion with an acquaintance. When you realise that the other person has contrary views on politics and other controversial subjects, you cannot go ahead. First, we should find similarities rather than dissimilarities. Like-minded people always make great friends.
A certain amount of jealousy is bound to creep in when you try to forge a friendship. Therefore, a friendship should never be made hastily. The Greek philosopher Socrates said, “Do not form a friendship hastily, but once formed hold fast to it. It is equally discreditable to have no friends.”
Hurdles
A true friend will praise you genuinely as you succeed in crossing life’s many hurdles. Similarly, he or she will point out your weaknesses in a mild way. As none of us is a perfect human being, we should listen to our friends when they criticise us for valid reasons. Charles Kingsley was right when he said, “It is only the great-hearted who can be true friends; the mean and the cowardly can never know what true friendship means.”
It is strange but true that we meet our enemies everywhere more than friends! Omar Khayyam put it succinctly thus: “He who has a thousand friends has not one to spare and he who has an enemy will meet him everywhere.” This is because we do not notice the presence of our friends as they are familiar with us. However, when you see one of your enemies, your blood starts boiling!
In order to forge a lasting friendship with anyone, you should cultivate certain human qualities. In the first place, you have to remain loyal to your friend through thick and thin. You have to stand by him or her through both prosperity and adversity.
Unconditional love
We have to love our friends unconditionally. Friends are necessary to share our happy and sad feelings. If you do not love your friends, you will not be able to do so.
The key to a genuine friendship is sincerity, and hypocrisy is its worst enemy. Your sincerity should be expressed by word and deed. You can make friends by giving promises, but if you fail to deliver them, friendship will suffer. Sincerity is the foundation of friendship.
Magnanimity is another great quality expected of friends; it is a quality of great minds and raises a person above all that is mean and ungenerous. It so happens that we fall out with our friends for various reasons. However, we have to forget and forgive human weaknesses. As William Shakespeare said in Hamlet, “Friends thou hast and their adoption tried, / Grapple them to thy soul with hoops and steel.”
Birthday parties and weddings are occasions when we meet a lot of strangers and acquaintances. At such a party or any other public event, the person who laughs spontaneously at the same time you do is probably worth cultivating as a friend. This is a tried and tested rule of thumb.
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