Connected yet disconnected young lives

Youngsters should treat the virtual world only as an extension of the real world

February 15, 2015 12:41 am | Updated 12:41 am IST

150215 - Open Page - Friends

150215 - Open Page - Friends

An article on Open Page (February 1, 2015) that discussed the dearth of open spaces for children to play, made me think about another important aspect that many of today’s teenagers miss: good, real friendships.

I have been dealing with my cousins who are in their higher secondary and early-college stages of life. They and their friends and classmates are all tech-savvy. They all have Facebook and Twitter accounts. They update their virtual status on a regular basis. Their friends know what they ate, what they plan to wear, what movies they watched, and they have given out online opinions about everything and anything.

The problem is that, though they have a fun-filled life online, their real life is often full of problems. Problems to which they don’t think they have any solutions. Because all their friends have the same problems. A higher secondary student’s life is packed with school, tuitions, examinations, and more examinations. They have entrance tests to take. They have to prepare hard. They worry about not scoring the requisite cut-off marks. Everyone is studying hard. They feel depressed if they score a little low in one examination. They don’t know how others are scoring high marks. They don’t go to a friend’s place to celebrate birthdays. They no longer play Monopoly or Scrabble. They don’t watch a movie together at someone’s home. Nor do they do ‘combine study’ or share notes. Though they are connected virtually, they more or less live a disconnected life in real life, trying to cope with various problems.

Cut to 1997 when I cleared my Class 10 examination and aspired to enter a top engineering college. The pressure was more then as there were fewer engineering seats. Getting one, that too in the first attempt, was considered difficult. My days were also packed with college and tuitions. I hardly slept, watched very little TV, had numerous examinations to take and had scored low in some of them.

But I don’t remember being disappointed, discouraged or sad during those days. Yes, there were the typical tensions for that age, but then when I look back I don’t even remember those tensions. Not even one of them. But I remember something else. The time spent with my friends. Yes, my five close friends were the ones who helped me survive the “turmoils” of those days.

We didn’t have Facebook or Twitter. And there was no mobile phone. Even land phones were few and far between. We also were not part of any large community of friends. Most people had five or six close friends. But they were your friends. You shared your problems with them, they shared their problems with you. Relations were based on trust. It was not just academic problems that were shared. Each of us knew about our friend’s families. Whenever a problem in their families upset them, the friends stood by them so that studies were not affected. If one of our friends scored low in a test we would take her to one of our homes. Instead of discussing why the marks were low we would make the environment cheerful by playing board games or simply chatting about a new movie. We would let off the friend only when we felt she had relaxed enough and was in a position to study well for the next test.

We took part in and celebrated the birthdays of all our friends. We didn’t have e-cards back then. But we spent hours scouting for that perfect card to convey our feelings for our friend. Usually we watched movies together at a friend’s place along with her birthday celebration. It was a fun activity in itself as we commented about the movies as we watched it.

Our parents knew all our friends. They were more or less sure of what to expect if we told them at which friend’s place we were in. We all had a good rapport with our friends’ family members and even their extended families.

Another thing. We seldom heard words and terms such as religious tolerance and secularism being bandied about in those days. But belonging to different faiths, we knew how to respect each other’s faith. My friends didn’t bring non-vegetarian food to my home as we are vegetarians. We ensured we had no parties or treats during the Ramzan period as one of our friends was fasting — and we were not allowed to have any get-togethers post-evening. Every festival was celebrated with equal fervour. If people waited for me to bring Deepavali sweets, another friend brought a Christmas cake. We accepted the differences in our own way, without anyone telling us what to do and what not to do.

And in the midst of all this, did we study? Yes we did. We aimed for the stars. We studied hard, we created success stories, and 18 years down the line all of us are doing quite well both professionally and personally. But the success stories were not written alone. They were written along with like-minded people who shared your joys and sorrows and stood by you during the crucial growing-up years. And being with them you learnt compassion, tolerance, team-work and flexibility, without having to undergo any soft skills training.

I would want the youngsters of today to treat the virtual world only as an extension of the real world. By ignoring the real world you are losing out on the most precious years of your life. Because, when you look back you need beautiful memories, which can only be created in the real world. So create those memories with your friends, who are the most important people in your life during your teenage years. Study together, celebrate together, play together and grow up together. The lessons you learn will help you to ward off many challenges you face in your personal and professional life in your future.

mira.gopal@gmail.com

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