On a very bright and sunny Saturday morning, with prospective exciting events to attend for the day, I hailed a car from an app-based taxi service on ride-share basis. Normally there will be two other passengers travelling along with you in a four-seater and since their routes are unknown to us, we can be assured of a long ride around the city to drop the others before you reach yours.
When the taxi did arrive, I was a little irked to find two adults along with two children in the tiny vehicle apart from the driver. I was a little hesitant. Clearly, the back seat, where I was supposed to sit, was occupied. Thankfully, the father of the two children picked up one of them and seated her on his lap. The elder one was between me and her dad.
The cab moved on. I realised the lady in the front seat was chatty enough and was apparently narrating her entire driving torment in the city to the seemingly nice driver. I sat there, in the back seat, still trying not to squeeze the little girl beside me. Slowly as we rode along, the kids began talking to their dad in their native language. Thanks to my exposure in the city, I could make out the contents of their conversation. The younger one, around four or five, asked initially why her mom wasn’t coming with them, to which he replied that she was in her office to finish some urgent work.
Another share
She went on to question him on every passing thing she was setting her eyes on from her seat. The elder kid listening to this had her own share of concerns to ask, thereby ensuring her dad’s attention. What was extremely surprising was the father’s response. It would have been his day off from office after a long week. Yet, with divine patience he was answering every innocent question they asked, sometimes even holding the exchange enough to know their own opinions and thoughts. I felt an instant admiration for him.
We seldom talk to our kids in these busy lives of ours. We forget to consider them, tell them stories, nurture them. We work hard to provide a better life for them, no doubts on that count. We want them to grow up to be their best. But other than providing all the materials for your children, how much effort do you take to connect with them emotionally and truly understand who they are turning into.
It is equally important that you know them well enough to understand how they think at every stage, being constantly in touch with the people they are inside despite all the external influences they are met with.
It is essential that you create a space for conversation with them and they are fully made aware of this very space to return to when they are at a crossroads in their life. And this cannot be done in a day, this cannot wait. This cannot be done after they have attained a certain stage. These connections are made slowly, piece by piece, every day.
Better said than done, this can look like one of the delicate tasks one might have although generations have gone through the same process. This might also mean at times coming to terms with their wanting to become something totally different from what you wanted them to be.
Your own ambitions too
Never back out on your own ambitions and desires amid all this. Follow them as well as you can. For your children may follow you more than they listen to you. There is nothing like showing them than merely telling them. Teach them to explore life on their own and give them all the courage they need for it.
Do not try to drill your opinions into them, do not envision your dreams through them. If they naturally want to fulfil your dreams, well and good. But let them know it is okay if they are not able to do that. Teach them to be happy being what they are.
These are mere ramblings from a child who grew up to be an adult, lest you thought they were from a parent.
By this time we had reached the drop point for the kids and their father. They scuttled along happily, having received all their answers from their dad, each getting all the attention they needed.
gouri8891@yahoo.co.in
