Recently we went to a hospital in a south Indian city for a geriatric-stage test in a package arrangement. It was very comprehensive with a gamut of tests. Interestingly, there was a set of tests that came with the package that had not been prescribed or billed for.
The geriatric patient (GP) arrives early by 7.30 a.m. on an empty stomach for the fasting sugar test. At the helpdesk, payment and registration are done promptly. After blood extraction, as breakfast arrives only half an hour later, other tests are proceeded with. First, the GP is asked to place the urine sample at an assigned area and affix the label on it. A sort of skills test !
Then the GP is asked to proceed for X-ray at the other end of the floor. A one-litre bottle of water is handed over and the patient is asked to drink slowly from it. An aged GP on an empty stomach, slightly dizzy after blood extraction, thus goes through the fitness and stability test, walking down a slope, carrying the water bottle to the X-ray lab unescorted. Thankfully, there is a handrail.
At the X-ray lab, the GP is queried by three persons on the same topic ( consistency test ) and after about five minutes goes in. This is over quickly and the GP waits in the lobby. After about 15 minutes, the patient is led in again for an X-ray. The GP points out that the X-ray has already been done and the staff thus realise the fact. Thus the GP passes the memory test.
Next, the GP is told to go back to the helpdesk for breakfast, walking down the slope again. Here the GP is asked for the “meal slip”! But this the X-ray lab had retained along with the tests sheet. Fortunately, the helpful sister at helpdesk volunteers and fetches it. The GP is spared another walk!
To access the seats in the eating area, there are a couple of steps to be tackled, and there is no handrail. The GP survives the balance test, managing the food tray, the water bottle and the handbag all at the same time while going down to sit. There is no wash nearby and the GP gets more exercise walking up to the rest room to wash — small steps to a healthy life. But wait, as the GP had to eat without washing hands, there’s a hidden immunity test !
Next is a walk to the lift via the slope again to another floor for the echocardiogram. The GP finds her way unescorted; perhaps this constituted the alertness or cognitive ability test ! Close to the echocardiogram lab door, there is a small slope without a handrail. Perhaps this was a small treadmill test .
The GP finds her way back to the helpdesk easily, now having done it a few times. Again, it’s a cognitive ability test . From there the ultrasound lab is close enough, but now there is another stability test, negotiating the floor that is just being mopped. There is a helpful sign, ‘wet floor’, low down in small print. Probably that was now a quick eye test .
The GP, after ultrasound, returns to the helpdesk for the ECG procedure after having consumed one litre of water without going to a rest room ( holding test ). It is also time for post-prandial blood sample extraction. The GP is asked which test first. They go through the three: the ECG, blood extraction and holding test. Finally, the GP manages to reach the rest room, going through a double door on to a wet floor, which is truly and fully wet. That is the ultimate stability test !
After this, the walk through the much-done slope to reach the ophthalmologist was a piece of cake, the same place as the X-ray lab. This second visit is a recognition test . Then, the now-familiar but a tad tired GP walks to the helpdesk. The staff take the GP again to the first floor, to the same place where the echocardiogram had been done, for a dental examination. Going there again is another recognition test .
This time it is a very crowded place, being the cardiac care area. Huddled in a seat, the GP waits for the call — the patience test .
Thereafter, the GP goes up again to the helpdesk, via the by now much-used slope, only to be informed that everything is over. After the reports come, a meeting with the doctor will be arranged.
It is interesting that the GP always walks back to the helpdesk — focus test . The whole package is also an endurance test that takes a good five hours. The GP gains confidence about their ability, fitness and stamina.
The intent of the hospital could be to provide all these freebies, but perhaps unwittingly I spoiled it. I accompanied my mother and assisted her. I will advise any GP to do it on their own and not to lose out on them. The freebies are only revealed here so that people become aware of them. The paid services are listed in the bill.
They were all professionals. The staff were courteous. The premises were clean. Cheers: keep up the good work. Perhaps they can cut some of the freebies.
ssramesh75@gmail.com
