Pregnancy in the Indian quasi-nuclear family is a very female affair. The husband is held responsible, and rarely has any responsibility. Often the wife is bundled off to her “native” to accomplish the task and the guy is left to waddle in bachelor squalor.
The radicals who decide to take on this system and do their fair share have to make it in the face of derisive looks from matrons and “you’re in too deep” comments from the men. But the support system is growing, with birthing plans, maternity suites and Lamaze classes. Now the strong independent man can say, “I can do this,” and pay someone or the other to take care of things.
But there are questions that will come up, sometimes at 2 a.m., for which you need ready answers. Some answers are intuitive: Am I too fat? The answer as you know, is no, always no. But others need you to fall back on trusted resources, with which you can counter the hair-raising scenarios that your wife dug up from page 52 of Google search results.
When it is too late to call your mother, here is a book that you can rely on for those answers: What to Expect When You’re Expecting by Heidi Eisenberg Murkoff and Sharon Mazel.
Though the fact that they made a Hollywood film of it has affected its credibility somewhat, What to Expect… remains the ready reckoner on all things maternal. It proceeds chronologically, detailing scenarios for each month. And since forewarned is forearmed, you just need to read a bit ahead to be prepared for the mood swings and the cravings. Its USP, however, is its comprehensiveness: there are few pains or itches that won’t find a mention here. This can also be a bit scary, so your chief role is going to be filtering what applies and what does not. Some of the printed wisdom might deviate from traditional wisdom; the advice here would be to avoid divorce and leave the decision to the doctor. Also, you will have to translate some of the dos and don'ts from American to local, especially on food.
Another recommended reading: Joseph Heller’s Catch 22 . Nothing to do with pregnancy but it informs you that whatever you do you are not the major player here, tells you to keep your ego in check, and also to go to the doctor.
george.pj@thehindu.co.in
