I have been thinking that maybe I should stop calling this scribble here a column and not (just) because it’s quite a useless juxtaposition of words which, while grammatically correct, are still pretty much a meaningless waste of space and time. No, Freudian slips aside, I wish to move on, migrate to a higher level, and call this a MaganXTheHindu collab. I would have said collaboration but I don’t think millennials know that word, just like the word ‘reconnaissance’, which is only ‘recce’ to most things born post 1990. But if Magnum ice creams and Moschino can do a collab, then why the hell am I not already riding that wad-wagon to richville?
There was a time when luxury was an industry that required investment in every sense. The makers invested time, labour and skill into it and the consumers invested sizeably to acquire their ware. But the stuff was meant to last. Unlike the fly-by-night brands of today which make gear so perishable that it’s dated by the time they’ve bagged it for you.
Trouble is that while luxury appears to be expensive, it is the cheap stuff that is truly dearer. For example, when amortised, the cost of my Goodyear-welt brogues (15 years old and still serving me fine) work out to be a lot cheaper per wear than the amount I drop on city sneakers (a new pair every few months).
So, luxury realised that an entire segment of voracious consumerism was going ignored by them. And just like Broadnose Sevengill sharks, which can smell a dead carcass miles away and move in fast (now don’t say you never learn anything new here), the big brands too decided to find a way to milk this cash cow of overnight trends.
But to simply lower their standards wouldn’t have worked, so they brought in the street side crew or any other random social media sensations, inviting them into their spaces and letting them run ‘free’. The result was then packaged neatly with words like “collaborative” and “limited release” thrown in for good measure and suddenly, everything was renewed.
Today, Supreme, a skateboarding brand, commands more presence and covet-value than Louis Vuitton! Off-White’s Virgil Abloh goes about spreading his collab seed as if scattering it in the wind, and every brand, no matter how unrelated in their product line (from Nike to Rimowa), want some of his magic dust. A top Italian design house like Moschino needs an ice cream bar to announce that fashion should be bold and fearless! Adidas has made Kanye West and Pharrell Williams more money selling shoes than their music will possibly ever ring in (and Pharrell has the chops, mind you). And it might be easier to invite the real Michael Jordan over for dinner than to get a pair of Nike’s Levi’sXAirJordan collab. At this rate, my plumber and pizza delivery guy may soon enter into some sort of pact and, yeah, even I don’t know where I am going with this…
But this isn’t it, worse still is when bloggers from the beauty brigade use the ubiquitous ‘X’ in their hashtag game (‘Trying to sound deep blog insta handle’ X ‘Any brand which will pay me’) for assignments where, in exchange for cash, they sell their souls and rant off an annoying little recital celebrating the brand and all its marvellousness. It is true then, collab is the new black. Or is that CollabXBlack? Meta-Collab, anyone? I think I just got too smart for you, dear reader.
This column is for anyone who gives
an existential toss.
