I generally say ‘no’ to all interview requests, as I’m not comfortable talking about myself. Instead of blowing my own trumpet, I’d rather have my achievements speak for themselves, especially my tremendous track record as a journalist, author, public intellectual, private individual, caring husband, loving father, selfless human being, peerless feminist, and ruthless patriot.
A unique honour
Last week, however, I was in London when I received a special request for an interview. As you may have read in the papers, I have just won the 2018 UNESCO Global Prize for Fantastic Journalism by a Journalist from South Asia who is bald, Tamil-speaking, above 180 cm in height, likes curd rice and Limca, and whose official identification mark is a cow-shaped mole behind his left ear. The U.K.’s NRI community contacted me saying they wanted to commemorate this unique honour bestowed on an Indian journalist.
They said they would hire a well-known Bollywood lyricist, popularly known as PJ, to interview me in front of a live audience of 500,000 Indians who love their country so much that they would combust if they actually lived in India.
I was about to say ‘no’ when they told me that PJ had a fierce reputation for asking tough questions. So I agreed, but with one condition: it would be an unprecedented unscripted interview.
An excerpt
As it turned out, I quite enjoyed talking to PJ. For the benefit of readers who missed the event because they could not produce their last 30 years’ bank statements for the U.K. visa application, I reproduce below a brief excerpt of my interview.
PJ : Shri Sampath-ji, I’ll begin with a simple question. We all know how tough it is to be a journalist in India these days. Yet in the past four years, you have achieved more than all the paid journalists, fake news anchors, and C-grade celebrity columnists combined. How does it feel to be god’s gift to Indian journalism?
Me : PJ-ji, every time I scale the pinnacle of professional greatness, which I have no choice but to do every single day of my life, I do it not for my personal glory, not for Sampath, the journalist but for Sampath, the servant of the Indian reader. So, to answer your question, Sampath feels truly humbled to be god’s gift to the people of India.
PJ : Do you sometimes worry that you may actually be greater than you already are?
Me : As Dronacharya told Arjuna in 6,300 BCE, and Roger Federer told me in 2007, when you are infinitely superior to all your contemporaries, it becomes difficult to surpass yourself because you are reduced to competing with yourself. But what keeps me going is the thought that I must not stop being an inspiration to the rest of humanity.
PJ : So what happens when you are competing with yourself to become a greater you? Does the lesser you merge with the greater you? Or do you identify with both the competing you’s in turn? Is Sampath vs Sampath like Kramer vs. Kramer , or is it like Alien vs Predator ?
Me : My friend, the whole world knows that I am not from a privileged background. As a teenager, I used to sell filter coffee outside Stella Maris College. If someone had told me back then that I would one day be talking to PJ in London’s Talkatora stadium, I would have said, ‘Yeah, right! And Vedic India had WiFi and plastic surgery!’ But today, they’re all true. Nonetheless, the Sampath sitting before you is not the Stella Maris Sampath. He is just a human embodiment of the aspirational Indian who is not only a discerning member of our bulging demographic dividend but also a platform-agnostic consumer of quality content. As Adi Shankara said, when you take the ‘dwaita’ out of ‘adwaita’, you are left with ‘A’. Do you know what ‘A’ stands for?
PJ : Apple?
Me : Don’t be silly. What are you? LKG student?
PJ : Adult?
Me : What are you? Censor Board chief?
PJ : Adani? Ambani?
Me : ‘A’ is for ‘Atman’, stupid! This uncanny ability to find spirituality in my work is the secret of my greatness.
PJ : Sir, that was the answer to my next unscripted question. But why should the question always precede the answer? So, I’ll ask you anyway: What is the secret of your greatness?
Me : In one word, humility. And my selfless devotion to the intellectual Vikas of the Indian people.
PJ : Sir, you have many critics in India. They all have the same complaint against you: you don’t do enough to promote your achievements.
Me : It’s true that public perception of my greatness doesn’t always keep pace with the relentless growth in my global stature. But look, our scriptures talk about the four yogas: Karma yoga, Bhakti yoga, Jnana yoga, and Raja yoga. I am a Karmayogi. It is up to India’s bhaktayogis, or bhakts, as they are affectionately called, to bombard people about my achievements. BMKJ.
