Respected sir/madam,
Good morning from abroad, I am in Singapore! What is the time in Madras right now? 4 p.m.? 5 p.m.? Totally unnecessary confusion. Last evening I made one stupid mistake. We were having snacks in one big eating place near Bugis area. We were discussing this and that topics about India and Singapore. In between I said what is all this timezone mannangkatti ? It is all fraud. Immediately Mrs. Mathrubootham’s nephew said, “Mathru uncle, let me explain, it is basic mathematics, not at all difficult.”
Sir/ Madam, as you may be aware, many useless things can come out of Indian person’s mouth such as “Customer is king”, “Satyameva jayate”, “Please stand in queue” and all, but second most dangerous is “Let me explain.” (Most dangerous is “What do you think of Narendra Modi?” Means family, friendship, yoga class, housing complex party, retired bank employees association meeting all finished on the spot.)
Moment he said let me explain, I knew this useless fellow will give lecture while I am trying to enjoy light refreshments of one plate roti telur, one portion bubur cha-cha and one glass Milo-peng. Instead of letting me enjoy retirement overseas, lifestyle in peace and quiet, stupid fellow turned one plate into sun, one plate into earth and my stomach into volcano.
“Do you understand uncle,” he asked after five minutes. “One hundred percent,” I said because roti telur was slowly turning into cudappah kal. I thought, thank you Guruvayoorappa, if you are available in Singapore, now I can eat in peace.
And then this useless fellow is saying, “Uncle, you please repeat what I said. I want to make sure you have understood.” Bloody fool, old man should eat food or give IIT exam? Nonsense. I picked up roti telur to give one timezone across his face but under the table Mrs. Mathrubootham secretly inserted hairpin into my thigh. So again I sat quietly and suffered one more lecture. By this point, food had become cold and drink had become warm. Total waste of money. But it was her nephew’s money only, so some justice there is in this world.
Overall, I am enjoying Singapore very much. Food is very good. So much variety. My favourite item so far is one local jam called kaya. It is made of coconut. Sir/ Madam, you just put it on toast and eat it like anything. So tasty. But also healthy.
So far there is only one problem with Singapore. Don’t take me wrong, but so many Indians are there. I have no problem with Indians. They are fine. But if abroad also you are seeing Indians means what is the thrill? Why did I spend so much money to see same people I can see in Mogappair or T. Nagar? Some variety should be there. Ok fine, maybe they can be Indians but maybe from different place like Orissa or Kashmir. I have never met anybody from Orissa. It is real place or just rumours on map?
Otherwise we are very good. Trip is very enjoyable. On top of everything maybe you have seen the good news that classic international music superstars ABBA are going to release new songs. This is the greatest good news I have received since many years. As soon as we saw the news I looked at Mrs. M and Mrs. M looked at me and our eyes met and we had flashback scene to 1974 when during honeymoon in Kodaikanal we spent every night listening to ABBA on small tape recorder in the room of Hotel New Ecstacy.
Maybe if new Abba song will come soon we can listen to it in Singapore. It will be like second honeymoon.
By the by, I will now send letter next month only, after coming back home. Too many activities are planned here in Singapore. Maybe we will go to Malaysia also. Please don’t mind.
If you need anything from Singapore, please don’t hesitate for even one minute. Shall I bring one or two kg kaya? Space is there in luggage.
Yours in delectation,
J. Mathrubootham
Mr. Mathrubootham threatens to resume his letters after one month. We are resigned. — Editor
