Dowry has not disappeared, just morphed. And women continue to pay the price.
In a season where every other person seems to be taking offence at something or the other, let me add what offends me. I was deeply offended and hurt when I read the following headline: “One bride burnt every hour”. No, this is not a headline from a newspaper of the 1980s but from Sunday, January 29, 2012. The women the headline writes about are killed for not bringing in enough dowry. Yes, indeed, the giving, taking and killing for dowry is still alive and kicking in “Incredible India”.
According to data of the National Crime Records Bureau (NCRB), there were 8,391 reported cases of dowry deaths in 2010. That is just under double the number of cases registered in 1995 — 4,648 cases. Statistics tell a story, but not the whole story. For every dowry death reported, there must be dozens that go unreported. Of the 8,391 reported cases in 2010, although 93.2 per cent were charge-sheeted, the conviction rate was a miserable 33.6 per cent.
Despite a 1989 amendment to Section 304B of the Indian Penal Code (IPC), shifting the burden of proof to the husband and his family, the process of getting a conviction remains fraught because of loopholes in the law and the inability of the victim's family to establish the link between dowry demands and the death. Often, it is impossible to take the dying declaration, as the victim is barely alive. Even when it is taken, the police handling is shoddy and careless, allowing a clever defence to tear it apart during trial.
The official figures of dowry deaths are obviously just the tip of the iceberg. A truer picture would emerge if we added the cases of young married women registered as having committed suicide as well as cases filed under Section 498A of the IPC dealing with harassment from husband and relatives. In the NCRB crime data, there were 94,041 cases filed under 498A in 2010, up from 28,579 in 1995. There has been considerable controversy around 498A with some organisation, comprising apparently aggrieved husbands, claiming that women were misusing it to harass and blackmail their husbands. But even if there are a few cases of this kind, surely over 94,000 cases cannot all be false.
If further proof were needed of the prevalence of dowry, one only has to look at the sex ratio in this country. Why are girls not wanted?
Still bought and sold
The fact remains that despite changes in the law, growing awareness of it, more education, more economic progress, women are bought and sold for a price under the institution of marriage. In the 1980s, at the height of the campaign against dowry, one read of brave young women who rejected proposals when asked for a dowry. Women's group demonstrated outside marriage halls where dowry was given. There was much writing in the media against the custom. Today we don't hear about it. Does that mean it has vanished? Or has it become so entrenched that no one thinks it is worth talking about?
I did a random sampling of one matrimonial page in one Mumbai newspaper last Sunday. Of the 127 advertisements for “brides wanted”, listed neatly in caste categories, I found 16 that stated specifically “Caste no bar” and only four that said “No Dowry”. All the other advertisements went into details of the caste, the height, the looks etc of the bride they were looking for — “tall, beautiful, educated, cultured girl” stated one, for a “Kayastha, handsome, bachelor, doctor and managing director”.
One-way street
Dowry has not disappeared. It has morphed. Seema Sirohi, in her interesting and relevant book Sita's Curse, Stories of Dowry Victims (HarperCollins, 2003), gives this humorous yet apt description of dowry as it has come to be today: Dowry has become a bribe paid to a husband to keep the bride's body and soul together. A woman is a mere conduit to a ‘good' dowry — the definition of good being flexible and expandable. The boys are on sale and there are few discounts in the marriage market. There is no ‘buy one, get one free' here. It is a transaction weighted against the woman. In fact, it is a sale where even after the price is paid, satisfaction is not guaranteed. And ironically, the sale is never complete with marriage — the buyer is expected to keep paying in cash and in kind during festivals, to celebrate childbirth and to mark ritualistic occasions. Any excuse is good enough to keep the one-way street laden and moving with gifts.
Touchy as we Indians are about a whole host of things, the fact that women are still being burned for dowry in modern-day India should enrage us. Why are we accepting of this outrage, this insult to the sensibilities of all women? We should be burning dowry, not women.
Email: sharma.kalpana@yahoo.com
Keywords: NCRB, dowry harassment, domestic violence
It would be nice if The Hindu published an article explaining why 60 years ago the dowry was demanded from the groom but now it is expected from the bride! Do our customs become the opposite every 50 years?
We Indians have been entangling ourselves in a wicked mesh and going
by the current trend, it is becoming increasingly difficult to get rid
of this social malady. Preserving tradition has become a pretext of
advocating greed. And there is sign of this abating even in Kerala,
where every single person is educated. Most marriages here have become
business transactions, in the name of "Naatunadappu", or "local
tradition", and the number of miserable idiots practising and
advocating this is increasing. To anyone reading this who endorses
dowries, and to anyone who intends to get married soon and pocket a
healthy dowry, live on your own earnings pal, you are not doing any
favour to the girl by marrying her which entitles you to demand dowry.
Raising a family is as much a need of yours as hers.
It is the non-civilized customs, tradition and superstition we practice through out our ages forces us to pull ourselves down in this Incredible India.
Life is so beautilful so do not spoil it by self,try to understand each problem of your life partner and oposition persion and be as good persion in nation.
You guys are not seeing the full picture. Dowry is one way of parents distributing
their wealth among their male and female children. The girls get their share as
money and other gifts, and the guys get their share as farm land and other
immovable properties. The guys also assume the responsibility of taking care of
their parents. Problems arise when two families of unequal means are united
through the marriage of their kids.
The so-called education that both men and women receive at colleges these days
are geared toward getting a job. The teaching of morals and ethics is given no
priority. So, how will this education have any bearing on morals?
RG
It's good to see people showcasing their concern over the matter of dowry. It reflects that they are aware and would join hands to eradicate it, although slowly...
Many thanks to Team Hindu for publishing this article. At least we can take a moment and reflect over it.It leaves a silent thought in every mind.
This indeed is a shame!When the modern India talks of becoming a superpower by 2020 ,social issues like these are indeed a slap on its face.The ministers use the criteria of caste system to fill their vote banks.We must not forget that the caste system engenders dowry.Many people take pride in this but this is a shoddy thinking which must be looked down upon.Not only the brides,even the grooms can be bought for a hefty sum ranging from lacs to crores ,depending upon the rank of the groom(IAS,bank manager etc.)In these cases,if or not the grooms demand,but the dowry is given by the high income class.Dowry is a social crime,and you are a criminal,if you are involved in either way.With the existing loopholes,the present system is not enough.Network of NGOs,working for women empowerment should be enhanced so that they reach every village ,every stratum of the society.With so many cases coming up,special grievances court should be established where these NGOs can address the issues.
Education or the Indian govt rules will not be enough to stop this menace. The Indian govt does not have enough money or the man power to incarcerate 500 million men in India. Today the educated ones are demanding more money from their in-laws. The solution for this problem lies with the WOMEN of India. As a mother, please teach your sons the evil of this dowry system. The WOMEN of India, you have kept quiet for centuries and thus you have played a role in this monstrosity. It is time to wake up and do the right thing for your own kind.
'Dowry' in India is too much hyped because it is business for everyone. Generation has changed and now both husband and wife are earning well.Dowry thing is all fading away but in a country like India it is still in the mind of the girl's parents. When I was married, my husband never demanded anything from us but my father proposed that he will spend so much on marriage. My husband's views were actually against dowry.It is seen that it is psychologocal in the mind of Indian parents that if they are marrying their girl,they have to spend in the name of dowry.
Dowry!!!!!!!!!!!!! now a days women are taking advantage of this 498a act 99% is falls they are utilizing this act and killing men and his family we are giving equal writes to women they think that they have super power no one is killing his wife for dowry these women is killing her self to hide her own problem may be affair with other man or some other story they want to treble husband and his family if they have got good culture from her parent they will never die this dowry word they r misusing in our country this can be solved only one way that stop giving more education to women and give her more education on how to behave and live with husband. you got only surway on dowry death of women please do the surway falls 498a and husband harassment in India and please get back to me on my email thank you.............
Some Interesting Stats On Arrests Of Women
In 1930, the British govt arrested 17,000 women for their involvement in the Dandi Yatra (Salt March). During 1937 to 1947 (10 Years), they arrested 5,000 women involved in the freedom struggle. From 2004 to 2006, the govt of India arrested 90,000 women of all ages under 498A. On the average, 27,000 women per year are being arrested under this flawed law. These are stats from the NCRB (National Crime Records Bureau).
Indeed, it is outrageous how tradition, Dharma and Sanskar are used as a cover for
what is quite simply a brutal scheme for moneymaking. I recall my Assamese
teacher of social sciences berating the boys in the classroom -"You all will be
sold!". Given the increasing trends towards highly educated brides that also work
in the professional sector, I would encourage them to treat dowry-seekers with
contempt and inspect the "quality of the wares", so to speak.
Sadly! one cannot change the mentality of people overnight. The primary reason
why dowry is still so prevalent in a marriage market which actually is overfull with
grooms thanks to skewed birth ratios and female foeticide is the timidity on part
of the families of the brides to speak up and reject dowry-seeking grooms. A little
more courage and self-confidence would go a long way.
I would also like to ask a related but not directly connected
question. Would the author and other feminists followers support a
pre-marital and post-marital agreement to settle properties in cases
of break-ups? Why no one raises their voice against it? Isn't it
because these people wants the lions-share of girls husband end-up to
the girl - the girl can become rich just by marrying men...
Such obligatory agreements would enforce much more restraint on the
marital violence as well as against misusing Section 498A.
Also, why so a women is not convicted of adultery even when she is the
perpetrator? I just raise these questions to indicate that our
constitution is biased towards womens and it is NOT right to make
assumptions (about the statistics or that all women are paragon of
goodness...)
Further, in how many of these cases the men are the perpetrators of
violence/harassment? And in how many of these cases the men served
sentences/lost their livelihoods for no mistake of theirs?
First, the author is one-sided shifting the burden on the men. Except
for a few metropolitans, many of the regions are in India are still
conservative (extremely, in many cases). The parents and society
decide who should marry who, neither the men nor the women have
greater say with each pressured in different ways.
It is proved that Section 498A is being misused by many women and some
case overused. Of the 94000 cases, the author has mentioned how many
are frivolous? How many are blatant misuse and How many are genuine?
Would the author be able to give the break-up? Basing conclusions on
assumptions don't bade good - may be for feminists politicians who
make living out it.
Dowry in different regions differ. In some cases, the groom is
suspected of flaws for not accepting dowry. Through dowry, the girl
gets a lionshare of her parents+male siblings property. Yes, there are
cases of murder but generalizations is not correct...
I am unclear on the issue: why do women negotiate a marriage at all? Is it decided that family forcing them? Or is it marriage is the only way for the women?
If the answer to questions is not clear cut, then I guess that we are not solving the issue but exaggerating it as the situation demands. Such political oppurtunism does not resolve the matter. Take for example SUTEE. This has been banned. Yet once in a while we do hear of incidence of sutee. So is the issue of child-bride marriages banned but nothing can be enforced. So all reading this posting it is important to have an enforceabel law.
a long eras women suffered........and strrugle for life. related to freedom ....the condition of women are not satisfactry in india..
The author has described in detail about Dowry and all who commented were really against this system - DOWRY - a conventional system followed in our society (surely man made), just like cast system. But author has not tried to define it - what is DOWRY? - Is it really a technique find out by the men to avoid women being getting equal share on the family wealth? A man doesn’t want to give equal share of his wealth to his daughter comparing to his son, as daughter’s share goes to somebody else. He gives a small share to his daughter (as it goes to other man!!!) with a Big Hype as DOWRY.... When a man goes out he forgets about his sister, mother and daughter. He sees only other women!!!
I think the root cause of the problem lies not in the religious or historic backgrounds,as no existing religion or culture in any part of the world has made an emphasis on the necessity of money as dowry either in cash or kind for a successful married life.It is the mindset and greed which fuels this evil practice in its worst form.The peculiar characters of our society including the greater probability of boy child leading the family which including the parents than their female counterparts,limited probability of equal division of the properties of parents among male and female children are stakeholders in carrying forward with menance.India being a country having an absolute majority of youth population has the potential of wiping out this evil if it want to advance.
When a man goes out he forgets about his sister, mother and daughter. He sees only other women!!! He always saw his father running to make money...now he has to make money and his son also have to follow this trend and he feels that whatever he makes should not go to anybody rather than his own son, so he can’t give/spent much money for his daughter. He will be giving a small share to his daughter with a Big Hype as DOWRY....
No land is curse. No soul is cursed. If something is cursed, is
CONSCIENCE and human is the only one responsible. We believe in
dominance over our own fellow humans rather than thinking about
happiness of those ones. I mean how can dowry make a female more worthy
or unworthy?? It is just that we never realize, may be because we do not
want to. Till then any land, be it Indian or any other, will be called a
cursed land only.
After ten years in US thought will go back to India but having to daughters we dropped the plan. Sorry to say India is not the place for girls.
first of all i would like to thank to the kalpana sharma for displaying the such a beautiful article to the people.the dowry system is enlarging day by day in independent india this is happening in rural villages because of lake of education and maturity..people have to join their hands to create awareness about dowry in especially in rural areas
I visited gwalior after 5 years, had completed graduation there. i visited my old land lords home, found 3-4 cars in neighbourhood. Surprised and asked to land lods son, who happens to be my frined, "looks like other friends got good job and earning good". He replied, "No friend all of them are married now".Another incident, one of my fathers collegue was worried over dowry for his daughters marraige, he said in his society bride side has to gift handsome amount and gift to groom.And he dont like this custom.I immediatly ask, "So uncle you will not receive anything in your son's marriage". He decided to keep silence. So this is the mentality of indian society. we always worried if we have to pay dowry but at time of recieving we keep mum.
I am from Kerala. I will not receive dowry, it's my strong decision and
really i hate this dowry system. i believe that Marriage is union
between minds and personalities so money & gold don't have any
involvement in that.
Thia is one-sided article. The large number of divorce cases pending before the courts tell a different story. In many cases many young men suffer because of vexatious cases brought against them under the dowry laws. It is anybody's guess when all these cases would be decided and the in meantime, the unfortunate boys suffer. Today's demographic imbalance between the sexes, has made the partner-choice more difficult for the boys. A casual study of registrations in the matrimonial websites would show this imbalance. I expected the Hindu should have made a more objective study of the problem. I am disappointed.
Well,I have to say only some simple things.. Only one thing can make this situation go forever. We, so called the young generation and especially the boys has to stop this shitty custom by not demanding or encouraging this custom and girls has to be strong enough to say no to dowry especially those who are independent and well educated.
Although, families may not openly demand for dowries, there is a
statement that they make-" We do not want any dowry. However, you may
buy whatever you wish for your daughter." As matters stand, parents of
the bride are not willing to conduct the wedding in a simple manner
for fear of repercussions that their daughter may face later. They
take all possible steps to ensure that all the wedding rituals and
formalities are complied with. So, even if there is a legal enactment,
it must be emphatic about no expectations from the boy's side and no
obligations from the girl's side.
"What it needs is a bold approach.. should be bold enough to
question the real substance or values of our Indian culture .Indian
culture and customs notoriously packs more evils especially against
women, yet we take immense pride in following them blindly, that is
the root cause of most of the evils India faces even today".
Fantastically true Mr.Jaya Prakash! This sad situation exists and
thrives due to our society's meek acceptance that religious faith
is especially vulnerable to offence and should be protected by
abnormally thick wall of respect that any human being pay to other.
India will continue to lag behind as back ward nation unless society
becomes bold to shred the meaningless rituals and superstitious
beliefs. China on the other hand, managed to achieve modernity
wiping out years of superstitious cobwebs enabling women to achieve
gender equality, pushing the country to its present greatness.
1.Why the girls families marry to the boy who demand dowry. Girls parents rub their noses before marriage and says "please ask what you want and marry to my girl".
2. Why the govt. dont take step to stop the exchange of dowry.
3. Why the the parents give/ diclare the share of her girl in their property and Ancestral property to make her independent.
4. I have not seen a single case where the girl is forced to bring dowry after marriage but I have seen the every case that issue is different and the matter has been changed in dowry cases (498A, DV act)to set the personal scores.
Has anyone thought of starting a naming and shaming campaign. I would
suggest that those who care about this start accumulating evidence
and post them in anonymously face book under the caption BRIDEGROOM
FOR SALE.
No wonder there are not many takers for girl child in India. I think only Indian culture, makes to treat girl child as a liability. Since this is linked with hindu religion, like untouchability & Sati, it is not easy to remove. Government must make religious leaders to educate the believers on this. By banning PNDT test, Government is only treating the symptoms instead of the disease. When religion is unable to change people's way of life, why ban PNDT tests. Let female population reduce in the country. Let a time come when India will have only male population. Then the religious leaders & the believers would realise what a fool their religion has made them into & they themselves would take corrective steps.
System of dowry cannot be simply wished away or stopped by
laws,because it is very much hinged upon the right to property as
well,beside being traditional,cultural or religious.Man as well as
woman has equal rights on the property of their parents.Should the
woman forgo that right because she is marrying someone?No. when
should her share of property come to her?,Who should decide the time
and extent of property? That has to be decided within the family of
the woman and they have their fundamental rights to do that.The
problem emanates when the share is termed as dowry and when the
groom and his family demands more.Marriage then is reduced to a
commercial transaction. I think the state has enough laws to deal
with such cases if brought to notice in time.The people must avail
the service of judiciary.The number of cases projected by the author
is not alarming when compared with the population of this country.I
am not suggesting to ignore the facts.The problem has no immediate
solution
The women (bride), and her parents are perpetuating this evil. In spite of education, if people continue to think marriage is the last for a girl to a 'dignified' life, where she is not given a deserving share in ancestral property, girl also think about extracting as much as possible whenever possible.This evil will prevail.
Hats off to you for writing such an article.. You have voiced me, something I always asked my parents and my husband. My parents ofcourse have to oblige to the custom (according to me they are "MAN"made rules in favour to them) but on the other hand my husband could only end it with one phrase "we are not here to create a revolution, this is the custom and let it happen this way"! This just left me speechless....
Nice article. Very helpful to know the pathetic side of our so called great culture. I think, merely by providing information or creating awareness doesn't change the situation because those who are well educated and aware that 'DOWRY IS WRONG' are still practicing dowry. I believe this can be changed only with the change in society. People must realize that it(dowry) is an EVIL that has to be killed.
Dowry is part of Hindu religious system - Kanyadhan.
This is not the only practice that religion teaches us, Krishna teaches us steal, look at how many gods' have multiple wives. Even corruption has roots in hindu religion - at the end it was one of the gods who say it's not you who is doing that it's me who is behind that. Any honest educated person examines the rituals and what Hindu religion teaches would never be able to live without getting punished by law, do the homework and prove me if I am wrong.
The exact words from one of my male colleague, who is a post graduate
from a foreign university were "I won't ask dowry, but if the the
bride's parents want to give, I won't refuse". Does education and
exposure really change the Indian mind set ?
Recently I was looking at matrimonial sites just for fun.It looked as
if there was a sale going on.It was like buying and selling
commodities.You can give options of whether the bride/groom needs be a
vegetarian,their annual income(the dowry puller)and much more
interesting options.What more a better place to sell people than in
the virtual world.
Incredible India is developing.Women reach great heights day by
day.They get better education but still they remain a prey to the
monster called Dowry and the sad part is Women itself can sometimes be
the supporter of this crime.
Burn Dowry,Worship Women ,the greatest asset of God and make India
proud!
Dowry system is being treated as customary practice especially in the villages where the parents of bridgroom are expecting sale consideration for theri investment on the career development of the bridegroom and also saying that the bridegroom is incapable in all respects if they do not opted for dowry.
A good article. What many considered dead(dowry) and buried, the artice has dug out and proved "it's alive".. Many will agree with me that dowry deaths are no more in cities. It's in rural India this inhuman act happens. Women in our cities are as independant & free as our nation. To think in a different angle, this could be due to the lack of "inclusive" growth they all talk about. If rural women are presented the same educational & professional opportunites, our generation itself can celebrate the death of dowry(perhaps, another Diwali). Going by our current political administration, this looks a distant dream.
Dowry is a crime. Women are not become sensitive when it comes
marriage,women are to understand that "Marriage is not their life,
marriage is only a part of their life". We need to sensitize this fact
among all the men and women in society.
Secondly ,men are to understand that women are not a commodity who are
to be bought or sold .When one(both men and women)comprehends the true
essence of a marriage, the concept of forcibly having to give gifts
will vanish. Rather the people will stop fantasizing the typical fairy
tale weddings.
I really liked the article. The excerpt from Sita's Curse, Stories of Dowry Victims is very apt. Guys are sold in an open auction and the problem is that the most educated youth of India is also not averse to this idea. A girl's parents start saving from the day she is born. How much they spent on her education, how well they brought her up is of no value. I really despise the Indian society for this. I do not know how much can I do to change the society but I am not going to buy a groom for myself for sure.
Kalpana's story really reveals real picture of India.Nowadays every one is talking about women empowerment, women education ,but few about dowry.As i belong to Assamese community where no dowry is prevailed from ancient time,i find it very difficult ,how could a girl accept such humiliation?I have made so much of high profiled bride and groom accepting dowry system.So actually it is the duty of youth to delete this evil from society.Until and unless there is a revolution against it by whole country success can't be achieved.I think all the woman have to play a vital role in deleting dowry irrespective of whether they are victims or not.
Very well written article...more people like kalpana should come forward and create awareness about the effects of dowry system on every innocent women. wake up India....
Very Nice Article.....This line in the article is well said "Dowry has become a bribe paid to a husband to keep the bride's body and soul together"
Well written article. In my personal opinion, I agree with that the facts of torture agains women shown here are just tip of an iceberg. But let me also tell you, what is shown here is just one side of the coin. I had seen real life examples where women and her family taken advantage of the law bent on their side in the institution of marriage. I feel there is no dearth of false dowry harassment cases against innocent grooms. Dowry harassment is being abused as simple and effective route to take revenge against boys family irrespective of the actual reason behind.
The dowry system is prevailing everywhere in India, particularly in
villages. The Caste system is very heavy in Independent India, though
several stories are coming in the news papers and in Electronic
media. In educated groups / castes they are preferring for more
dowry, because there inculcate lavish expenditure and lavish houses.
There are several cases, where in higher officials like IAS, IPS,
IFS cadres, we have heard about dowry harassment and dowry deaths.
The laws are not sufficient, they should be modified along with the
time and circumstances of the cases. Punishment should be given at
an early stage. Then only the system of dowry will be curtailed,
provided every one should be realised, both men and women and other
parties in the system.
This is the root of the problem - Right at birth, the male child is
seen as an investment, because the boy child can till the fields,
work in a factory, earn money, take care of parents in old age;
while the girl child is seen as a burden, to be fed without any
expectation of return and then to be "married off" or "given away" as soon as possible. Later on in life, this situation creates the skewed equation in the "marriage market", when the gromm's family agrees to remove the burden from the father's hands, but in return for adequate compensation. The father's hands are tied. If he is poor and has no resources to offer, then he cannot enter his daughter in the marriage market. Hence a lifetime of lament for the father who begets a girl, while some try to get rid of the problem right at birth, through feticide. We need an all out war against, what I think is, gender bias. This is one of the aspects of our culture which we Indians must be most ashamed of.
NEW TREND-These days,spending lakhs/crores on a single day of the marriage, add to it the other expenses incured on the so called voluntary "gifts" given to the groom and his family, has become the upcoming trend in most of the cities as well. However,the satisfaction, as rightly pointed out by the author above,is still not guaranteed. What is disappointing is,that well read, educated young boys,who should set an example for others for standing up against such social anathema seem to fully support it. What is most ridiculous is that they tend to rationalise it by saying that perhaps a girl's parents would love to spend this much for their daughter. OUR ELDERS-We forget that our families have lived in the orthodox environment forever.They will not change over night. THE SOLUTION?-Until & unless,the young men stand up against their families, strongly condemning dowry & not accepting any gifts, there will never be a solution to this despicable social practice.They should stand againt it!
India is independent, but her mindset it yet not liberated. We still live under a colonial and hierarchical "officer/subordinate" lifestyle. We do not question "facts", and tend to simply follow the trends. The author of this article I'm sad to say, is a victim of emotional biases. Most dowry harassment cases are registered by educated and urban women (not the helpless uneducated rural women as you might assume). Most cases are "settled" when the husband pays a hefty amount to the wife to withdraw the charges. Ask yourself this question "How many dowry harassment cases do I personally know?" For most people, the answer will no "zero". Statistics of dowry harassment are made of people like us in urban India. If you're a male, you could be the next statistical victim if your wife is unhappy with you. If you're a male, please educate yourself on the misuse of dowry laws. As per those laws, you and your parents can be jailed without investigation for 90 days. Incredible India, indeed!
Thanks, Kalpana for writing such a brillient piece on dowry. I am a muslim and live in Pakistan. In Islam, giving or taking dowry is prohibited. In spite of this, dowry death prevails in our country. Surely not to the extent it does prevail in India. Probably only in subcontinent culture of dowry and dowry death flourish. Let us resolve together that we will crush this menace.
I do not think working at the root-level (equality among boys and
girls) has helped much. May be we should work around it: 1) Public shame for individuals and their big gifts(cars etc.). 2) Inform police(or some specialized investigation agency) about people who boast of getting (or giving) a huge dowry. 3) Boycott these people in workplaces and on social networking sites.In North Indian states, girls do not ask for or take their rightful share in their parental property/assets or liabilities. This is expected to be given (and be done with it) at the time of the girl's marriage. But in the South Indian states the girls are given both >dowry and their share in the property. The problem starts when parents are made to give more than the girl's rightful share. There are other cases too where there was no dowry, and the parents did not give the girl any share in their asset. Since what remains with their son, remains for them to enjoy in their old-age, which too is fine if they have educated their daughter enough, then their hard-earned money is for them to enjoy. But raising a daughter with a mindset (and education) that she will depend on her husband all through her married life is where it starts.
I think it is critical that women take a stand if we want to eradicate
dowry from our culture. It rears its ugly head among all classes
without any exception. Education will help but more than education
awareness and a sense of social justice is key. How can a society
function optimally with the inherent belief system that one gender is
lower than the other? If men are women have equal opportunities,
potential, abilities, and a shot at education why should we let such
an ugly concept like dowry still remain? It is demoralizing our young
girls and if every mother of an eligible boy refuses to take dowry (in
cash or kind) I am sure this evil can be rooted out. Women, take
charge - like in every other walk of human civilization, you can
effect positive change. Do not let this opportunity slip by you.
Read the account of Sita's marriage with Ram and what Janak did and give
away. Dasrath may have been an emperor himself and not asked for
anything but the psyche of giving dowry continues and now it has taken
the shape of demanding dowry. What is the market price for an All India
Service qualifier? A few crores? The beauty is they are prepared to pay.
It's really saddening to read about Dowry deaths still continuing in
India despite Laws against Dowry. What I feel is, it's not the Indian
culture/custom of Dowry which is to be blamed for Dowry deaths but the
mindset of greedy people who think it's their birth right to demand any sum of Dowry from the Girl's parents for her security and safety in the new household. Moreover I don't agree with people who say India is cursed or Indian culture/customs are biased towards Women..I believe if we follow the teaching of the Santan Dharam (Hinduism)one of which is "Santosha Parmo Dharam" we can stop these mindless killings of Women for Money.
Communities must refuses to marry into family which asks for dowry. Why can't girls say NO to the groom? I also think parents are the one who thinks their daughters are not worthy of the groom they are marrying her with. Unless parents and brides attitude changes there is no end to dowry! Believe this ladies, sex ratio in India is in your favor, you demand and they compete! and not other way round.
It is true that dowry is still prevailing in our society one way or another,but at the same time it is equally true that our government, civil society has failed miserably to scale down sinister effects of the dowry substantially. Gaucheri of dowry can not be eradicated by just making laws and acts or through other means.It is our society that has to respond the "miseindowry" optimism cordially by accepting the inter caste marriages and treating brides as the boon not bane. It is our responsibility to educate our girl child and breed a pool of self motivated visionaries in the society for spreading the message of philanthropic cause with mission diminishing the evil.We need to mobilize the young generation towards burring of prejudicial sentiments regarding girl child and make them understand the male as well as female can share equally the burden of immense difficult phases of one's life.
The root of the evil in India is the celebrated "Family & Indian Culture"... What good is Family and Society if it will not help the young individuals become independent (before interdependence/collaboration)? We keep our young strung to various lines... family, culture, religion and what not... in the end we have spineless young individuals who always lean on something or other for support...True it's hard to be young man trying to stand on your own... find a job, a house, a car and also deal with all the incidental expenses that youth brings... So why not lean on family and it's well established tradition of getting some poor chap to pay for your house and/or car while you also get married...Shame to the family and the Indian culture that allows this kind of spineless behaviour from it's young (presumably able bodied) men... Tease the next chump you meet who has sold himself for a dowry in the presence of other bachelors and maybe that will help...
Ita very good article.Dowry is a cancer of civilised society.I dont think some of the Indians are civilised.Why ask for dowry?If you cant look after your wife who is a newcomer,and your future children you have no bussiness to get married.I am also shocked to learn that conviction rate in dowry deaths is only 33%.and this is beause of our wretched judicial system.All dowry deaths should be tried in fast track courts and courts should be told to complete trial in stipulated time and convicts should be given harshest sentence.I am afraid thats the only way out.
For any reason, taking out another life, created by God to enjoy life
like us, is an affront against God. No amount of Poojas, rituals, fast
etc. can wipe out the sin acquired through the commission of this
barbaric act. The word "educated" doesn't convey anything. If a man
educated he doesn't commit this kind of crime and if he commits he is
not educated.
Dowry system makes our previous and old people and our old and stupid
thinking.. if we can not change our thinking then we can't change this
dowry system. our mentality is very poor. I think govt should change
this system making a strict rule. otherwise no future of girls child..
'Beating around the bush', that’s what comes to my mind when I read the responses. Some blame the Government, some the religion, some the male population, some capitalism, some other blame the sections of the law, there were suggestions about love and love marriage etc., etc., there was also a lighter moment when some one commented about 2G in here! But none spoke about the root of the problem, or may be they avoided! My opinion is, unless we are prepared and bold enough to go into the root of these problems, these evils cannot be solved.
Every girl Should take a strong decision that she will not marry a person who bargains dowry.its simple but difficult to practice.
Even the educated people of our country are practising it, leave alone the uneducated ones. Its just that people dont speak of it openly.
As one of the people who sees the evil and recognizes it, I am
always plagued by what to do about it. Everyone seems to think
education is the answer, but in all honesty, there is nothing I
learnt in my schooling that taught me how to resolve this problem in
daily life. Where in the memorization of scientific formulas or the
penmanship of essays do we get lessons or awareness on how to fight
these social evils? I may have submitted essays on dowry and its
evils for my Hindi exams, but the Indian high school education does
not teach girls to be resilient. It does not teach us to have
opinions, to speak out and to develop a mind of our own. Those of us
that grow up to think for ourselves and have the self confidence to
stand up for our rights are few and far between and do not have our
wonderful Indian education to thank for it. It's time to stop hoping
that things will change slowly on their own. Women of India, speak
out for yourselves, because noone else is going to do it for you.
It may not be a very apt comment but i was horrified when i asked a
recently selected friend in ISRO about his accomplishment. I was
literally shocked when he listed dowry(due to selection in ISRO)as
one of them.The only question that comes to my mind is whether we can
call ourselves educated only because we had our education in one of
the learning temples of India. The answer is a Big No.We need to
reflect upon it.
@Mohamed Rafi, I totally agree with your views. In many many
households it is the women of the house who make life hell for the
bride. In India, most young men listen to their mothers and dislike to
offend them. So they generally fail to support the bride or in worst
cases actively support their mother in her quest to put the daughter-
in-law in her place. And strangely, women who get treated badly in
their husbands' home, continue to do it when it is their turn to play
the mother-in-law. There should be a lot of campaigning to make women
stand for each other and support other women. I am not diminishing
men's role in this heinous practice, but women do need to take the
lead here.
It is high time that a girl with full support from her family should
shun any alliance that wants a dowry..in cash or kind. Be bold enough to
cancel even when engagement is over.Many of the 'well-to'do' families
also are culprits.Many a time we see that the so-called'we didnt or we
dont want any dowry'cases do have great 'untold' expections.When will we
become humans?It does seem like the asking is too much..
I'm a victim of this process.recently just 6 month before i got married now i 'm at parental home..after 9days of marriage my husband &his family ill treated with me for more dowry&their torture[mentally & physically} going arise day by day,they suppressed me & do such thing which are never talk able..i just want death everyday believe me it's a real hell.when i know they planned to kill me then i just want to save my life and escape from there.but never stop there torture,they threat me and my family to destroy or murdered like so.....now my family and me live with a fear when what happened,,,it's so panic.You know it is a sin to born with the gender female in our society.
Another dangerous offshoot, if you have a girl child, you must have a boy for equalisation of the dowry danger! This myopic desire in traditional circles overlooks the danger inherent in craving for males. The sex ratio is determined by nature, whatever may be the evil designs/economic designs of people entrenched in the difficult situation. This leads to population explosion, compounded by the pollution factor killing people-more frequently young working males than females. These are the social conditions of our way of life which are unsustainable. Population explosion leads to water need explosion, further pollution, further reduction of water available and so on. See india population in My complete profile on google search for Ramaswami Ashok Kumar. Change to live!
What we need to do is the 498a part of the law that punishes the dowry givers as much as the takers.
If dowry givers start going to jail, then there will be precedence set not to give it for a 'valid' reason.
One needs to address this issue from multiple fronts.
A culture of greed? 15 years ago I was told that as long as a washing
machine or a TV costs 2 months pay we will have dowry. As long as
common everyday necessities are priced so hopelessly out of reach,
people will use dowry to short circuit their way to riches. Look at
where are we right now? With appliances, bikes and cars becoming far
more affordable, the problem is very much there. Our underbelly is
ugly. While the discourse of the middle class is that Indian culture
and family values are superior, the the truth is ugly. This needs to
hit home. Engaging India in a hard hitting cultural dialog needs to
become part of CSR of the media industry. I would like to see the
issues of a) Gender discrimination, b) female foeticide, c) caste
based discrimination and d) communalism be questioned under a banner
called "Is this fair?" , or "Is this right?". I am hoping that we
can at least save the next generation.
In my opinion,
Educating the girl child, on par with the boy child, is one of the key solutions to this evil. Dismantling the caste system, through intercaste marriages, is another way. Letting the parents have a lesser say in a marriage, is probably the best way. It is the pent-up aspirations of the parents that lead to these hidden demands under the pretext of tradition. 498A is not going to help the situation; a change of mentality will.
India is known as a great country not only by it's geographical
vastness but also by it's ancient culture and traditions.This is the
land where four great religion of world emerged and every religion had
a mission of propagation of love, humanity and fraternity. But we are
still facing the curse of worst social evil which is doubtlessly
dowry. I appreciate to the writer for concentrating the view toward
this evil tradition. Most of Indian people thinks to eradicate this
but they don't think how to tackle this. I have an idea. If there will
be the love marriage system then this worst social tradition can be
finished but there is also a great hurdle of honor killing.On the name
of honor Shyam, Reena, Monika, and Shobha have been murdered.People
are against the love marriage not on the behalf of society but for
dowry.They against it on the name of cast creed culture and level but
actually hidden reason are money.But they forgets if they have sons
they also have daughters.
This is true that people in India are not liberate enough to
understand these things. But I would say that mostly these cases
happens in the rural areas or the areas which not fully developed as
they have never got maturity in their lives. But I have also seen
cases where Girl is not ready to make a companionship with the Boy's
parents and want a nuclear family even if the boy's pocket do not
allows. He has to leave his parents because of this fear of 498A and
if he do not agrees and remain with his opinion of taking care of
parents, then women also goes this way. And this mostly happens in
urban areas where women is independent enough to take care for herself
alone. I am not sure if I am right but this is what I am seeing now a
days around.
mr.Jaya prakash @. Excellent article and an equally excellent comment from you. I was more impressed with your comments because you were not afraid in quetioning the drawbacks and flaws of our culture. your name shows you are a man.Iam confident the day is not for away when this evil will be wiped out totally if every man stands up tall and strong like you. excellent words you used i really appreciate your comment.
a small boy while praying:
dear mummy for love and food,
devi saraswati for wisdom,
devi durga for power ,
and dulhan for money ...
When you analyze the issue of Dowry and demands that follows in almost all the marriages in India. The main culprit is Woman, look at the haressment (verbal and physical done to daughter-in-laws are always by Mohter-in-law and Sister-in-law etc., They keep reminding and mentally torturing day in and day out till thier objective is achieved. They(Women) are the chief negotiators and diplomatically telling the family that, whatever you give is for your daughter, she is the one who is going to have nice a time. They also mention that, there were lots of offer with huge dowry but we are not greedy and the girl's charector was not good, which is why we came to your house. The male members also do demand but if the mother of boys are adament that, we will not demand a penny from the girl's family, believe it or not, this evil will come down to almost nil. I agree it is not mother-in-law alone, any one father and the boy decides to convince the ladies of the house, it can stop.
Everybody should start from their home practice genuinely, do not expect others to do it......
'women are still being burned for dowry in modern-day India', I think the author has confused herself with scientific and technological developments, India was, India is and sadly India will always be primitive in its social approach .Dowry is only a part of the evils of the so called Indian customs and culture. The reason why these evils have not been eradicated is because it has gone into the system and culture of our society. It would be foolish if we think these evils can be eradicated or controlled by law or by any other means. What it needs is a bold approach, a approach which should be bold enough to question the real substance or values of our Indian culture .Indian culture and customs notoriously packs more evils especially against women, yet we take immense pride in following them blindly, that is the root cause of most of the evils India faces even today. It would be foolish to make an individual or a gender responsible for it, because it is a collective crime committed by the whole society. Trying to make an individual or a gender responsible will only make the matters even more worse than solving it. Many a times the name dowry is not used, but all the same , it still finds a place in a marriage, by the name of customs and traditions! It doesn’t happen to just the poor or the common man, for example take the cases of high profile marriages involving, Politicians, film stars, business men, IAS officers, etc., etc., We have seen, they all take immense pride in making it big and following the rotten customs, money and materials exchange hands , only difference is, it doesn’t get the name dowry, but literally it can be called a ‘dowry’!, then why are we not objecting to that? Why are they not punished? How can we accept such acts as a custom or culture? Accepting or giving a dowry is a crime, we seem to be clear in that, but when it happens in the name of tradition and customs, we keep quite and accept it as normal!! Harassments and deaths comes later, the root cause is the exchange of money and materials, we need to throw that practice from our tradition, for that we have to fight against ourselves and the evils in our Indian culture and system. Unless we prepared for that, these evils can never be eradicated.
The genuine concern of the author is yet to see the light of the day for scores of reasons.The steely resolve and the ire against this social injustice is more shared than redressed in the society that we live in. The knot of matrimony decided more on commercialisation ignores the sentiments and normal expectations of married women.When we start enlisting the factors playing villainy,it is endless.The low education imparted,the social outlook on women,casteism, the remnants of feudalism,and above all,the male dominance, all acting in unison,leave the eaves gasp for freedom and liberty.Startling still are the woes of working women,where the degrees of exploitation,though euphemistic, make a shameful presence. The centuries old one upmanship of the inlaws plays havoc on the harmony in an average family.The crude materialism stemmed from capitalism cares more for the purse than the pulse of the women.Awareness and the gumption to fight the evil alone will cut ice.
For 2G scam we all know A RAJA is to blame. I want to know who is running the country and who is the caption of the ship.It is not complicated , but why the court can't see it are they puppet to the system.please add comment.
Every parent gives gifts to their daughter when she gets married, it has been the trend from ages.But the menace in present time is when
the parents are forced to give the gifts and the things which are
normally out of their reach. The man should always know that its his own capabilities that can win him the world, though he can get support from his in laws to some extent when need arises, but to see them as the golden egg laying goose is a very foolish act on his part. The girl leaves her parents and comes along with a stranger, we should always try to work hard for our good being, because its we who are responsible for our future.
I have witnessed many marriages in my locality recently where not even a penny was demanded as dowry. The marriages were brief and simple. Not too much of noise or resources were wasted. Everybody praised them as they made a typical islamic marriage. I know other religions will also be teaching anti _ dowry. But the problem is that we have lost our soul to worldly noxious things.
There are laws against dowry, but these are not followed by the
people, as it has become a society practice/tradition. The girl's
parents are not able to fight this, and the boys parents are not
able to give it all up, as the society expects to them to the girl
to bring something to the family , technically for her own
security. Unfortunately this practice is carried to the extremes,
and a few of them use this as a tool to enrich themselves. The only way to break this logjam is for the religious leaders of all religions, particularly Hindu , Christian and Muslims to come against this practice. Once this is forcefully enunciated, the collective pressure can help wipe out this ill from Indian psyche. Any money /asset bought in by the girl should be in her name alone.
But why aren't the religious leaders not doing this. It perhaps needs a reformist like Raja Ramohan Roy. Perhaps the politicians can apprise the religious leaders to take action on this.
It is really sad to see this the dark tradition lurking around institution of marriage. Incredibly enough I have seen people argue that dowry is some kind of maintenance money used after marriage for ensuring an easy life for the new couple
I say why the hell do people get misguided and marry if they are not secure about it in the first place. Also nowadays there is an increasingly disturbing trend of the girl hijacking the dowry law to put the innocent in laws and the husband behind bars just because husband's not granting divorce
There is a cross section of women who view first marriage as a means to make a quick Buck through divorce and alimony by threatening to launch a case through dowry laws.
Indians are now educated,competing with other nations,making niches in
all over the world but are unable to expel dowry from their system.Now
its turn of our young generation to decide whether they are looking for
a change or old tradition of accepting gifts from girl's family &
torture her.
Dowry system by and large exist only in Indian culture. It is a social evil perpetuated by greed. The only way to get rid of them is all the girls should be adamant that they will get married to a boy as in other cultures, only known to them and who proposes unconditionally as happens throughout the world.Here comes the problem, is all of our girls are allowed to have a social contact that enables them to a conducive atmosphere to achieve that goal. Having said that even among the girls and boys who have the oppertunity,the love marriages are phenomenally lower in our country, the reason needs to be elucidated. It will take century for our culture and tradition to change until than we continue to shout against this evil practice of dowry and many other gender biased evil traditions practiced in our country which is equally harmful.
Dowry is a type of corruption and just like we cannot deal with
corruption by using strict laws, we cannot deal with Dowry by enacting
strict Dowry laws. There are instances when families misuse the laws for
harassing the groom's family and vice versa . SO instead of just blaming
the government and judiciary for its inaction, an effort must be made to
get into the knitty-gritty of the law and policy and try to formulate
and recommend some sensible policy so that they cannot be misused.
Nice article... Yes, dowry has not disappeared, it is just morphed.
Worst part of it is It is socially not acceptable to go against dowry system.
I feel really bad about this system. I am happy for the fact that many of friends are ready to marry without taking dowry.
Customs and cultures in India do have a rigid structure. Their
abolition, if was possible, then we might have seen it during Mughal
and subsequently in British era. But they remained full fledged during
those times also because it was like interfering into those matters of
Hindus which was religious and hurt the sentiments of the people. Take
"Sati", Mughals never intervened to abolish this custom of Hindus
which was prominent in high class society (esp those of Bengal) during
their reign. But what they could do is prevent its forceful practice
and thats too to some extent. It was during British that they
culminated it citing its cruelty after seeing it for several years.
The thing which has started as a symbol of high class society later
turned into evil against women. What i am pointing here are the
grounds that have been created by so called high classes of yester
years in order to remain prominent in society. People have imitated
them for years until they became rigid customs.
Unfortunately,the dowry is more rampant among educated class.Those bride who revolted and filed for divorce does not get a fair deal from courts and are given pittance as alimony compared to the amount their parents spent on marriage and filling the coffers of groom family.
It is very difficult to stop dowry system from India. It is inserted psyche of Indians so deeply.It has religious base, how can Hindu give hand of his Daughter without Kanyadhan.You could not erases the ritual of Dharma if bridegroom refused dowry father of girl suffered with terrible guilt and insist to accept some gift.We Hindu afraid too much breaking the law of our Dharma that is tragedy
I fully agree with the facts stated in this article. Dowry is still prevalent in almost all the families. It is a curse that needs to be handled with even tougher appraoch.Those who beleive that women are harrassing husbands via this law,need to understand that overall women are treated as inferior human beings(besides dowry issue) in more than 80% of the families (as I beleive). When they demand their rights or when they raise voice against unsaid but hidden agenda of dowry then they are accused of harrassing thier husbands. We should wake up and read between the lines of the unsaid stories all over aorund us.
This is another indicator that India is a cursed land. Not many years ago we had untouchability (it is still prevalent in some parts of India) where even if a shadow of an untouchable person falls on a person he would be unclean. Then we had Sati. Extravagant spending on marriage is another curse that we Indians have. That only makes other to better it when their child gets married. So the curse continues. All such curses can be removed only by sustained awareness is created by the government and enlightened people practicing it and the media highlighting them.
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