Mumbai: No brass band, no caterer, and the gurdwara for venue: that’s how, Jagjeet Singh Sachdeva says, he managed to limit his wedding expenses to ₹2,000 in 1962. “I wanted a gurudwara ceremony. I cancelled the band organised by a relative, and the wedding feast too. The guests were served food made at home. I ensured that the weddings of my three children too were as simple as possible,” says the Mulund-based businessman, now 78.
Mr. Sachdeva’s observation that Sikh weddings have become a commercial affair is bang on target: deep pockets means a lavish affair, including destination weddings, expensive return gifts, glittering evening galas and the attendant social status that divides the haves and have-nots. But there is hope of good sense prevailing, say members of the newly-formed International Punjabi Forum (IPF).
Made up of prominent Sikh community members, the IPF wants to propagate the idea of simple, affordable wedding ceremonies. For starters, they plan to reach out to the community with a ‘commitment form’, to be distributed through gurdwaras, in which one promises a wedding of ati-saadgi or ‘immense’ simplicity. The IPF will also exhort the community to email invitations, avoid multiple ceremonies and grand feasts, avoid demanding and accepting gifts; instead, the money could be donated to the needy, for example.
The IPF counts among its members Delhi Sikh Gurdwara Management Committee president Manjit Singh GK, former National Commission for Minorities chairman Tarlochan Singh, Maj. Gen. M.S. Chadha (retd.), and former Justice R.S. Sodhi, among others.
“Over the years, weddings in the community have become a blatant show of extravagance. The solemnity of marriage has faded under the glitz,” says Dr. P.S. Pasricha, former Director General of Police, Maharashtra and an IPF member. “Weddings cost anything between ₹50 lakh and ₹10 crore, and are multi-day affairs with bachelor parties, mehendi and sangeet ceremonies, a grand baraat . The expenditure has been discussed within the community for long. We thought this was the best cause for us to take up.”
Middle class pressured
Members say most families of modest means come under tremendous pressure and are even forced to take hefty loans. At times, youngsters too demand lavish weddings after attending grand-scale weddings. Jaspal Singh, former Vice Chancellor, Punjab University, says, “It has set a wrong trend. People spend large sums on wedding invitations too, which often come with fancy gifts. So much so, that many people even opt to not attend such weddings.”
He says the actual wedding ceremony takes place in the gurdwara. “All families consult gurdwaras to find out when their ceremony could be accommodated, and to fix wedding dates. Called anand karaj , it is very short but the most important one. Today, this ceremony has been overpowered by all the other ceremonies that can easily be given a miss. Weddings have become celebrations for a few but an embarrassment for many who can’t afford the lavishness.”
With the IPF’s core group in place, the focus is now on forming a second tier with Statewise representation. Mr. Singh says, “This is when we plan to distribute the commitment forms to families. It’s not a compulsion, but we hope to sow the seed of modesty in their minds. The IPF is only what the Jathedhar of the Akal Takht (head of the Sikh clergy) in Amritsar has already stated in his hukumnama, or orders.”
Mr. Sachdeva adds, “I’m glad that our community has taken up this cause. Other communities have fallen prey to this too. I came to know of a wedding that held a housie game for guests; the prizes included US vacations and Mercedes cars.”
