Doing a Proust

With quick wit up his sleeve and a bagfull of laughs and satire, Cyrus Broachaon what keeps him ticking

March 09, 2016 12:00 am | Updated 05:40 am IST

We started as a nation in 1947, so we can’t expect total freedom. We have to keep testing the waters, says Cyrus Broacha.— Photo: R Ravindran

We started as a nation in 1947, so we can’t expect total freedom. We have to keep testing the waters, says Cyrus Broacha.— Photo: R Ravindran

Television did not just bring Cyrus Broacha fame, it also brought him trouble. He’s been attacked, threatened and thrown against mirrors. If you see the pranks he’s pulled on people, you’ll know why. He’s dealt with the common man who’s happy to be on TV, celebrities who want retakes for the sake of their image, and powerful people who’ve filed complaints. Broacha says, “We started as a nation in 1947, so we can’t expect total freedom already. We have to keep testing the waters, and because of that, I’m always saying sorry. I’ve been married for 14 years, so I’m used to apologising also. In fact, I’m happy to do it. We are just trying to lampoon corruption and critique what is going on.”

After a degree in Political Science from St Xavier’s College, Mumbai, and a one-year stint in law school (“I can still come with books and help you with a legal problem if you are on a low budget”), Cyrus found his media calling. He dabbled in radio, copy writing and theatre, before starting with MTV in 1996, and building the Cyrus brand of Bakra till 2007. Now, he’s an author, columnist and a political satirist, who’s still making the country laugh with CNN-IBN’s The Week That Wasn’t and his irreverent podcast Cyrus Says . He answers the Proust questionnaire: a list of questions designed to reveal the subject’s personality.

What is your current state of mind?

I normally have colours in my mind like Doordarshan. Right now, it’s blue, yellow and green. I keep my mind free because I have a show in the evening, and I have to be irreverent and silly.

What do you consider the most overrated virtue?

Friendship. I like four things: History, The Beatles, dogs and cricket. I’ve got four topics, and hence, no friends.

On what occasion do you lie?

I like lying. I’ve never understood why honesty has to be the best policy. Whenever people ask me how to get to a place, I always give them wrong directions : for fun. But wait, that’s a bit mean, now that I think about it. Don’t do that.

Unless your lie has no malicious intent, I don’t see the problem with it.

What do you most dislike about your appearance?

I want to be taller. But at 44, I think it’s too late to grow.

What is the quality you most like in a man?

Don’t mention that three-letter word; it’s worse than the four-letter word. All our problems are men; I’d like to replace all of them with women. If you look at all the political issues in the world — cessation, possessiveness, greed — it is because of the fragile male ego.

What is the quality you most like in a woman?

I like easy-going, friendly women. But the problem remains: once you get to know someone, everything changes anyway. It’s a pointless question. Everything is good if you keep relationships at a level where people are not close.

Which words or phrases do you most overuse?

I’ll do it later.

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

I’ve always wanted a unibrow, a large mole, a third nipple, or an extra finger like Hrithik Roshan. I figured it would give a distinct edge to my appearance. Who will ever forget me then?

If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be?

A bikini. But what if I end up with the wrong person… is it sexist if I worry about being worn by a man?

What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?

Real life. Which is why I try to avoid it as much as possible.

Which historical figure do you most identify with?

Oh I love History…(goes into a long contemplative monologue about Ashoka, Akbar, Genghis Khan, Chanakya, The Cholas, Chandragupta Maurya and the British showing up in India in shorts)

This is a tough question. I just want to be Cyrus the Great.

How would you like to die?

Quickly; and not in a crowded area. Hopefully, like Oscar Wilde said, I’ll get to die beyond my means.

What is your motto?

Motto? Why would I have a motto? Do you think I’m a politician? It’s easier being a critic.

I just want to work as less as possible, and hopefully, at the end of my life, not have too many enemies.

What do you consider your greatest achievement?

Why would you ask me such a question? I work in the plastic television medium! When I go to awards functions and win something, I want to give it back. And then, tip the guy. But my biggest achievement is that I have been able to walk my own dogs all my life. I get out at 4 pm from the studios every day so that I can do that. Dogs are the lowest in the animal index. I support The Welfare of Stray Dogs by giving them office space and try to help in any way I can. Please send money okay, if you can. Bet you don’t want to ask anymore questions no? Typical Indian. The moment I say send money, we’re done.

0 / 0
Sign in to unlock member-only benefits!
  • Access 10 free stories every month
  • Save stories to read later
  • Access to comment on every story
  • Sign-up/manage your newsletter subscriptions with a single click
  • Get notified by email for early access to discounts & offers on our products
Sign in

Comments

Comments have to be in English, and in full sentences. They cannot be abusive or personal. Please abide by our community guidelines for posting your comments.

We have migrated to a new commenting platform. If you are already a registered user of The Hindu and logged in, you may continue to engage with our articles. If you do not have an account please register and login to post comments. Users can access their older comments by logging into their accounts on Vuukle.