In this age of nuclear families, 84-year-old Thankamma Job, mother of 14, basks in the pride of having kept her large family together
Padua House on Beach Road in Fort Kochi is 100 years old. Its century old walls harbour untold tales and unseen times. But closer to our time, in 1974, it was bought by V.V. Job, a coir exporter from Alappuzha. His wife Thankamma and he moved into the beautiful mansion with their children and rechristened it Padua House. It was named after Saint Antony of Padua in whom the couple had immense faith. Soon after moving in they visited the shrine in Italy in thanksgiving. As if in blessing, the couple soon had more children and the big house started buzzing with their prattle. Thankamma Job has14 children.
Raising a family
With nuclear families being the order of the day, Thankamma's parenting, bearing and raising the children, seems no mean task. She attributes it to God's blessings.
She had her first baby, a boy, when she was 19. After that, she bore 13 more children with a gap of a year and a half between each. Soon the colonial bungalow was full of voices of little ones playing in the garden, of rooms filled with laughter and tears, of cricket balls crashing through window panes, of football ruining the manicured lawns, of laundry ranging from baby nappies to teenage trousers, of little feet playing hopscotch or screeches of joy having spied the den!
Today the children have grown into men and women with children and grandchildren of their own. A whole generation has moved on. And watching this transition, sitting pretty in her tharavadu, is Thankamma, the big mamma at 84, savouring every moment. She vouches that she is only an “instrument in the Lord's hand to bring forth and raise the family.” Her faith and love makes her world go round perfectly. “I am very proud of all my children. They help each other, they love each other and they love me the most,” she says proudly. Her daughters-in-law and sons-in-law, too, are in the family mould. “They are God fearing,” she says happily, something she had always wished for.
Thankamma's confinements were easy; the deliveries normal and at home. A midwife assisted her through them. On raising the little ones, she says, “I raised them on my Christian beliefs. Those days there were a lot of people to help. Nowadays it is difficult.”
Praying together
Her 50-year-old son Antony, who walks in, is received lovingly as, “my naughty one”. He recalls that his mum was strict and loving at the same time. A family rule of praying together in the morning and evening is followed till date. Thankamma played the perfect mother and homemaker, playing hostess to her husband's business guests, minding over the children's studies and monitoring the kitchen where the fires were always lit. “My mother was active in the Rotary, also in the Inner Wheel. She used to travel overseas with my father and actively participate in all affairs,” remembers Antony. “These days one is not allowed to beat children,” says Thankamma with disbelief, she not having spared the rod on her boys, when required. “Boys are naughtier,” she says and more difficult to handle. Her advice on strictness is to temper it down with love.
In 1977, recalls Thankamma, her whole family was under this one roof. It was the most beautiful time for her, having her entire family, eating, sharing, laughing and praying together. Xmas and New Year time were other big family affairs. Antony remembers, “When we were growing up, Fort Kochi was a party zone. The Mariner's Hall used to swing with dances. We boys loved to go there but had to be back in time for midnight mass. Amma was very particular about that.” The boys followed the rule. At the stroke of 12, they were back with the family in prayer and soon rushed back to the dance. It was prayerful togetherness that bound them, or so they all believe. One year, the only one year, when Thankamma was away, the boys took the liberty to stay away at the dance. “That year my father passed away. We feel it was because we did not pray together,” says Antony.
Thankamma took the jolt in her stride, remaining a pillar of strength for her family. She is recently back from Bangalore after attending her great, granddaughter Priyanka's graduation in medicine. She is proud and happy. The grand lady of parenting says, “It's love that has kept us together. We are glued to each other.”
As the cliché goes, “Behind every successful man is a woman,” here Thankamma has been the guiding light for her children, grand and great grand children.
Keywords: Padua House, joint family, mother's day
A very frivolous article! There have been so many women of the said age who have
borne more than ten children - I myself have seen at least five such women in my
family, with all the said coherence, togetherness, happy family, living in the same
house etc. But, the women in my family had their last child in 1962-63 - at least
there was no ‘two-child’ norm during that period. In the later years, our
government started advising the ‘we two, ours two’ policy to curtail our growing
population. That this couple had more children ‘after 1974’ does not go well with
our country’s situation and was against our population control policy during that
time. The policy is more stringent now. What are you trying to convey by granting
a one page article and a glorious recognition - looks like the author wanted to
‘honor’ a very close family friend!! The Hindu should STOP publishing such
mediocre and low grade write up.
@Geetha The requirement to stay with in-laws can be clarified before marriage. The girl can turn down such offers. Why marry and ruin a good family?
In the good old days it used to be said- the family that prays together stays together - Enjoyed reading the well written article. Thanks.
Thankamma is an inspiration to a past generation. It also reveals why we have the problems we have now. I certainly hope she is not a role model in the number of children someone should have in this day and age. What is important is that families, states and nations have a sustainable way of life. I salute Thankamma though for doing her best for her children and family and living the best way she could have at the time.
hats off...we all need to learn from this exceptional lady as well as her her whole family about love, care, respect and bonds a family needs to stay together. in today's age of intolerance and impatience they surely have a thing or two to teach all of us....kudos to them
It is a very impressive article to read when we are living in the world of nuclear family, materialistic world with no time to share any good moment of our day today affairs with each other within the family members too. The children raised in nuclear families eventually do not learn to adjust with people either in the family they enter or colleagues in future. However, it is so unfortunate whether we like it or not, we have to lead a life with this kind of set up as we move out our native in order to make our livelihood.
Thankamma may be happy about having her large family under one roof. But
try speaking to her daughter-in-laws off the record. They may give you
their tales about lost privacy and surrendered freedoms.
Every woman has the right to maintain a home of their own after
marriage. Keeping them under one roof and expecting them to toe the
lines of in-laws is not fair.
I am the eldest son of 12 children of my mother and like Thankamma we
were all born under normal delivery at home.My mother and all 12 of
us remember the love and affection bestowed on us by our MOTHER
without expecting any thing in return. I feel guilty of returning
back the sacrifices she made to bring me up. I am always indebted to
my mother. But for my mother I would have been no where.
It is heartening to know that this lady has brought up a large family of 14 children and several grand children.
It however , needs to be remembered that she belonged to an age , in which large families were the norm and the only roles a woman was expected to play were those of a wife and a mother.
This lifestyle is no longer suited to modern India - in which small families are the norm and women are also encouraged to take larger responsibilities as professionals and leaders.
A very interesting article. God Bless Thankamma Job and her family.
Beautiful...... beautiful.......but at the same time tough and requires lots of patience..........she
needs to be appreciated...
Unbelieveable article! It must have been so difficult bringing up 14 children in that colonial bungalow with all those servants! I'm so disappointed with The Hindu.
Dear Ms. Priya,
It's a really a commendable choice of subject as well as the narrative
that followed. In today's world when the definition of family has been
shrinking with each passing year or month for that matter, good to
know that a world existed in our not so far past wherein there were
families who prayed together, shared their life and lived together. We
all have something to learn from it. Hope we all start broadening the
definition of family and start being more inclusive in every respect.
Again Kudos for your apt article.
Really a amazing article to read. A great Salute to this loving & caring mom of 14 children. Hope every girl have the same instinct in their life through out. Wishing this living & admirable legend a heal & healthy longer life.
Thankamma Job has done a great job (see her name reflects her spirit too) in raising 14 kids with the glue of love. It is very rare today that siblings stick together without major issues. Most families today disintegrate over petty issues and ego problems. However I also would like to critic the prolific nature of our older generation which has led to over population of the country. In the 60s and 70s having 8 to 10 and more kids were the norm. In Kerala with education and good post natal care, majority of the kids survived. As a result today this is a highly dense state with hardly any space. Of course the current generations are restricted to only one or two kids which probably will balance it out over a period of time.
Inspiring and meaningful journey...
Hats off to a patriarch, who has lived fullest to the purpose for which
it has been destined. I am unable to manage one and only single son of
14 years both mentally as well as financially, as now a days the off
springs expectations are very high. The grand ma has done justice to her
selves and their will be such folks across our country and salutations
to them and try to take a few pearls from them.
Dear Priya Madam, Your article posted above is worth praising, when many magazines go for fancy posters and useless advertisements your work was something out of the box & much needed for the current society. Hope your quality work continues for the days to come.Congrats and All the best.
It's an interesting article to read. I was born and brought up in similar family of more than 100 people living in a single house and infact common kitchen for the entire family. As the statement from this wonderfull lady “It's love that has kept us together. We are glued to each other.” Does this love exist today? People are getting more and more materialistic and selfish, the importance of love and family bonding is getting away from our culture. We are getting so called westernised and losing our identity. Sometimes I feel from my heart that one day the word "Love" will remain as a definition in our books.
Sir.
My Salute to such a wonderful mom. May God give the patience and love of this mom to all the young girls who are shirking their responsibility for illusive glamor of life.
I can fully understand and appreciate this wonderful woman. Many
people like me who are in to seventy, growing in joint family with
ten siblings were the norm. I recall with great nostalgia immense
effort almost superhuman one, my mother used for rearing up the
family under conditions great economic hardship. Moth infected
grains through the rations shop was the main option of a staple
food. She had the fantastic culinary skill to satisfy the hunger of
so many growing up children. That she brought up ethical large
family without an iota of blemish required a great strength of
character. She was but one of many who had contributed so much to
nurture ethical and great citizens making this country proud.
It is good to see there are a few families who are very lucky to be glued together. My question is how do we get that superglue in this day and age where families are nuclear. I would like to know how dysfunctional families can be made more loving.
quite interesting article. This shows how a family should be together at
all times.
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