TAKSH, 23, FASHION STYLIST
“A day before my six-hour-long gender affirmation surgery at a private hospital in Delhi, a friend told me — ‘I wish you joy before grief and healing before pain’. I have always held these words close to my heart,” says Taksh, 23, a freelance fashion stylist.
Taksh, who was born a male and underwent the surgery in February to get a female body, towers at 5 feet 8 inches. She says she is gearing up for an independent, full-time career now.
“My dreams are very much like any other youngster my age. I want to be financially independent and give back to society and my parents,” she said, adding that “they [her parents] held me together for so long, now it is my time to reciprocate”.
Challenges galore
Asked about her decision to go for the surgery, she said: “I have been able to come out so soon and get my surgery done only because of the support of my parents. I had my identification documents and other official papers record me as a female even before the surgery was conducted. There are so many people across India who are struggling to undergo gender affirmation surgery, get their identity papers and their ‘true’ gender. It is tougher than coming out I would say. ”
“You need someone to stand by you through all this and who better than your parents,” said Taksh as her father, Air Commodore (retd.) Sanjay Sharma, nodded in affirmation. “If we do not stand by our children, who will,” asked the second-generation defence services officer, who worked as a medical officer with the Air Force.
Turbulent times
Dr. Sanjay Sharma put in his papers at the peak of his career, opting to come back home for Taksh. The time to take a stand, however, came after a decade of desperate hunting for solutions, many sleepless nights, the fear of not knowing what exactly was happening with the child, multiple visits to various doctors, and the constant guilt of “maybe not being able to do the best despite their efforts”.
“Those were turbulent times. Ten years is no joke. But today we stand at the shore of a sea that has faced multiple tsunamis. We feel that our child went through so much of emotional distress only because we as a society are not open to anything different. Gender is hardwired, not sexuality, and this knowledge is so dismally low. Families must get involved with their children and then, we believe, the society will change,” said Dr. Sanjay Sharma.
Taksh’s mother Bela Sharma, who is currently working with Fortis Hospital, says that parents of children who are in conflict with their gender do not have it easy either.
“Parents too need support and therapy. It is not a smooth sailing for them. We go through a range of emotions which need patient understanding and care,” Dr. Bela Sharma said, as her husband added: “Children too have to give their parents a chance.”
Talking about her struggle with gender, Taksh said: “I was never in doubt. I knew who I was. I never felt like a boy. I could never see myself growing old as a man. In school I managed to stay afloat with good grades and participated in many activities but in college it was not easy. I got into a college in Mumbai and did well in my first year but from there on it was a downhill journey.”
Taksh’s parents learnt about her gender conflict when she was 21-year-old. “I remember getting a call from Taksh [while she was studying in Mumbai] saying there have been incidents of self-harm. This shook us. We brought Taksh home and it was then that she told us about her gender conflict. We as a family decided to support our child. And today we are much closer and stronger than we were ever before. My younger child acted as a bridge, guru, and counsellor to Taksh as she dealt with her issues,” said the father.
Self-help group
Taksh’s parents haven’t stopped at only helping their own child. They have launched a self-help group – Khem — “which aims to impart knowledge, healthcare, empowerment and mainstreaming”.
“The idea is to educate parents and teachers to understand what the child is trying to tell us so that they are not left alone figuring out what to do,” said Dr. Bela Sharma.
“Gender reaffirmation is not an easy or short process. It takes many rounds of psychological evaluation and counselling, and only then are you cleared for the process of gender change. Hormone therapy takes place for about a year before a long and complicated surgical procedure which is also very expensive. Parents and children need tremendous support during this phase both financially and emotionally,” said Dr. Sanjay Sharma, adding, “We have lost many children owing to the rigid idea of gender in society.”
Taksh’s mother said, “Their life is always in a tizzy — from facing mental disorder, to personality conflict and even self-harm. We know of cases where parents have helped the child financially to undergo the surgery and then disassociated with them.”
“If we want productive human beings – irrespective of their gender – we have to accept that people shouldn’t be made to stay in conflict with their identity. They should be helped and nurtured to reach their full potential,” added Dr. Sanjay Sharma.
Speaking about Taksh’s future and their dreams for her, the proud parents said: “We want Taksh to be happy, healthy and lead a dignified life. We want that she be given the same opportunity that is allowed to anyone else. People should not be judged on their gender preference but be accepted by society based on their potential and merit. Their life should be made productive for self and society.”
