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Depression: helping a loved one cope

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DON’T BOTTLE iT up Share your problems with someone close to you

Sambhavi has not slept in many days. She is worried sick about her daughter. This lovely young teenager has gradually become sad, cries all the time, has lost her energy levels and wants to sleep all the time. She hardly eats or sometimes binges on f ood. This has been going on for more than a month now. What is most terrifying is that she keeps saying that life is not worth living.

Sabitha’s husband has always been a quiet person. But of late, he has become very restless, has to be forced to go to work and does not seem to be able to make the simplest decisions. He constantly expresses feelings of hopelessness and says he is worthless.

Sambhavi and Sabitha have loved ones who suffer from depression. They not only have to help them, they also have to learn to help themselves live with a depressed person.

Does your loved one have depression?

Everybody has periods of depression due to a sad or stressful event. This reactive depression is short lived and people will come out of it within a few days or weeks. Clinical depression, however, is due to a chemical imbalance in the brain. The person affected has constant feelings of sadness, irritability, or tension. Depressed people may show decreased interest or pleasure in usual activities. They suffer from a total lack of energy and feel exhausted and sleepy all the time. They may lose or gain significant amounts of weight. They may find it difficult to carry on the simple process of life. Helping the depressed person

Depression can take everybody by surprise. It not only affects the persons suffering from it but colours the life of everybody associated with them. It has a major impact on the immediate family. Though there are times when the task seems impossible, the family has to learn to cope with the depression of the affected person.

Indian society has always placed such a negative connotation on mental disease that people tend to postpone seeking help. They hope and pray that it is only a temporary condition. Remember, that postponing medical intervention will only aggravate the condition and delay the recovery of your loved one.

Educate yourself Learn all the facts about depression. There are many Internet sites that can help you get more information. This can help you understand what is happening to your family member.

Seek help early Get professional medical help early. Depression is a real illness like diabetes or tuberculosis. It requires medications and counselling. Don’t get carried away by the promises of charlatans and quasi-religious people who place the blame on supernatural causes.

Help out practically Depressed people may feel overwhelmed by everyday tasks. Help out in their daily chores. Depressed people are not lazy. They are ill and genuinely cannot carry out everyday activities.

Take care of yourself

Sometimes you may be overwhelmed by the responsibility of handling a depressed loved one. Involve other family members or friends. Keeping the depression a secret is ultimately destructive because you may not be able to cope by yourself. You need to take time for yourself. Get involved with a hobby or outside activity that gives you a respite and also helps you distract yourself. There may be occasions when you feel upset, angry and frustrated. It is a natural response to a very trying situation. After all you are human. The important thing is to verbalise your frustrations to somebody close to you instead of letting it consume you.

Offer hope and unconditional love

Lack of hope is the one symptom that saps a depressed person’s energy. Offer hope so that it makes them want to go on living. It could be an ambition that they want to fulfil or it could be the love for their children that may want them to make the effort to recover. Keep letting them know that you are not angry or frustrated with them but with the disease.

Take threats of self-injury or suicide seriously. Suicide is a very real risk of depression. If your loved one is threatening to commit suicide, take action. Do not leave the person alone. Remove any weapons. Prevent access to large amounts of medication, particularly anti-depressants and sleeping pills. Call a suicide hotline or your loved one’s doctor.

Suicide Hotline in Chennai

SNEHA

11 Park View Road

R.A. Puram, Chennai

Hotline: +91 (0) 44 2464 0050

Website: snehaindia.org

E-mail Helpline: help@snehaindia.org

24-hour service

(The author is a Chennai-based obstetrician and gynaecologist with a special interest in women’s health issues.)

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