Survival story
DIONNE BUNSHA
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Vulgarity lies in how one sees things, says Vaishali, a bargirl who has just written a book about her life.
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VAISHALI: Telling it like it is. PHOTO: ASHIMA NARAIN
"CAN you believe I'm 40?" asks Vaishali Haldankar, flashing a lively, paan-stained smile, chattering away from the minute we meet. "It's because I'm in the music line. Singing keeps us alive and fresh."
For the life she has seen, Vaishali is amazingly "fresh". It's difficult to describe who she is. She's done it all — hospital worker, domestic work, juice vendor, Osho disciple, bar performer and now a writer. Vaishali has written a book based on her life, a 1200-page hand-written manuscript in Marathi. "I never wanted to talk about all the abuse I have suffered. But now I have written this book as a form of seva. If my story helps others see women in a different light. Or offers some strength to other women who are exploited — at home or outside, then I am happy," says Vaishali.
Countering stereotypes
"After the ban on dance bars, I got fed up with all the dirty things being said about us in the media. I wanted to counter it," Vaishali explains. "Everyday, we have to face these comments. Why don't people understand where we are coming from? What family circumstances have brought us to into this situation? The people who come to bars are all middle-aged fathers of children. They come to see the daughters of other men."
From the age of five, Vaishali has faced abuse. "I was neglected at home, and didn't get enough to eat. A 60-year-old neighbour used to play with my body. At that age I learned that you have to do whatever it takes to survive. I had to get involved with the fruit vendor to get some food."
Vaishali now lives with her younger son in Ambernath, a suburb in Mumbai. Almost every male family member — her father, husband and even her older son — exploited her. Her marriage itself was an attempt to escape from her father who tried to harass her. At 15, Vaishali proposed to Dilip, a signboard painter. "I wasn't in love with him. But he seemed like a man who would not use me," said Vaishali. "We had two sons. I was a housewife, but he didn't give me enough money. So I worked as a domestic servant in other people's homes. I've done all kinds of work. I've even danced in Muscat, worked at pick-up points and done free service." Free service? She explains, wryly, "Oh! That's when the lights are out and you have to bear whatever the customer does to you."
Performing is what she enjoys most. Vaishali now sings with an orchestra band in a Mumbai bar. Since the ban on bar dancing, the bars have orchestras instead. "I've grown up with music. My father was a singer from the Gwalior gharana," she says, while humming a tune. "I got my first job in a bar while I was still married and working in a video library. One of the customers there was a bar owner and gave me a job as a singer. When I could earn enough from the bar job, I left my husband."
Ruined livelihood
"I've been a performer for more than 15 years. Now, the ban on dance bars in Mumbai has ruined our earnings," Vaishali says, cursing the politicians who have enforced the ban and the policemen who harass the girls. "Pehle dhoom macha ke naachte the. Ab gaate samay hil bhi nahin sakte. Police van bahar khada hai. (Earlier, we used to dance with passion. Now we can't even sway while singing. The police van is parked outside the bar.)"
Every moment inspires her to burst into song. While talking about her son's abuse, she says, "My son became mentally unstable. I don't care what he did to my body. My body was dead long time back. Mental harassment hurts me much more. Yet, I will take him back. After all, I am his mother." Then starts singing a Marathi song, "The world is a closed school. Some get lost, some go on the right path. No one is good and no one is bad."
Her spiritual inspiration is Osho. "I was in a relationship for four years with a gangster called Tarzan. He was wanted for murder, but he was very good to me. When we broke up, I was in shock. I even attempted suicide. Then, one day I found a book by Osho at the newsstand called From Sex to Superconscious. It changed my life. I've learned not to expect anything. I even lived in the Osho commune for five months," Vaishali says. The other big influence in her life is Varsha Kale, president of the Bar Girls Union. "She has done so much for our rights. She has encouraged me so much to write this book. She has brought khushboo (sweetness) to my life."
Ambition in life
"I have written everything in my book. One potential publisher could not believe it was all true. But it is. You can't imagine what women go through. There are more secrets, which you will find out when you read my book," Vaishali smiles, chewing paan masala. "Even though I am addicted to paan masala and have had two throat operations, I can still sing."
Her ambition: to be a lawyer. "I want to be able to fight for the rights of women. I've studied till ninth standard. If I don't face any more crises in my life, I'd like to study further and get a law degree. I can fight so that people don't look down on us. Anyone who comes to a dance bar will find that our performance is not crass," she says.
"What we do is not vulgar. What is vulgar is how people look at it. That's why I wrote this book"
India Beats features stories of the unusual, the exotic and the extraordinary.
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