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Updated: September 22, 2009 15:11 IST

The Ex, Exposed

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The opposite of love isn't hate. It is indifference...

"I am totally over her." I almost believed Ajay. "Now, I hate her." Oh no. That is so not the sign of moving on.

Most of us think the opposite of 'love' is 'hate'. It isn't. The opposite of love is indifference.

Can Ajay see his ex at a party, be pleasant to her and go on to have fun, be himself? He's on his way to Healthybreakupsville. Or, will he pointedly ignore her, guzzle twice his normal quota, laugh extra loud and be extra conspicuous? He's clearly not over her.

Lessons from Ajay and the like - here are some pretty certain signs that your ex is still into you.

Is he being mean to you?

Think back to kindergarten. If a boy in your class pinched you and pulled your pink ribbon, he was probably trying to tell you that he liked you. Some boys just don't grow up. Even now, the only way he's showing you any affection is by being mean to you.

Has he tried to make you jealous?

You're still in contact with your ex and he's constantly telling you about all the new girls he's seeing? He's probably trying to make you jealous. He still might like you. And, he's going to trample on that poor girl's heart in the process of trying to show you that.

His best friend told you he misses you?

He's probably put him up to it. Again, it's pretty childish, but a lot of guys don't know how to express themselves. They get their buddies to do it for them.

Did he say 'sorry'?

If none of the above has happened, here's a vague one. If the break-up was his fault, and he has apologised or said he wishes things had gone differently, then this could be his way of telling you he wants to start over. Sometimes, guys are just too embarrassed to admit straight up that they want you back, in case you reject them.

Ticked at least two of the above? You must be feeling quite smug and flattered then.

So, should you guys get back together? Cosmo-style observations don't make me eligible to answer that. But I'm going to ask you to put self-preservation ahead of any other criterion when you make this decision. Don't get your heart broken, girl. Not again.


(A fortnightly column on relationships)


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