The Xi of Silence
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Communication is not necessarily verbal always. Your body movements, facial expressions, pauses, etc. can convey a lot. If you observe people closely, you would be surprised by the amount of information and insight you gather about them, without their volition, which can be utilised to your advantage.
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THERE is a lot of energy and power in silence. And the sad part is very few of us like to use the power that will tell us more about a person than he would ever want you to know. While a great deal can be gathered from what a person is saying, actually far more can be learned by seeing and understanding his actions while he is saying it. This study of body language, sometimes called Kinesics, gives us so much insight about a person; I am surprised that everybody doesn't take the time to observe others closely and gain an insight on how to utilise that information to their advantage. Check out these common behaviours and see if they help you:
An Eye To The Main Chance
One of the kings of kinesic observation is looking out for the eye movements and contact. This is quite easily one of the most direct and connective means of non-verbal communication. Notice that the `boss' in any conversation is the one that maintains such contact the most. Coleridge had it right when he said that the Ancient mariner held the hapless wedding guest with his `glittering eye'. Looking at a person directly indicates integrity, frankness and almost demands trust in return. Bollywood has made the shy downward look of the heroine to be synonymous with modesty and docility. A sudden shifting away of contact indicates distrust or disagreement in what you are saying. Knowing which is which gives you the sign of what to do to regain interest.
Putting A Good Face on Things
Closely connected with eye contact are the expressions you make in response to external stimuli. Such expressions are extraordinary indicators of emotional response to what one hears or sees. It reveals the attitude of the person. The smile is a prime example of cooperative friendliness, but if the smile is not reflected in the eyes, the message is wariness and distrust. A furrowed brow indicates worry or surprise, with the eyebrow raise indicating query and surprise and is often more powerful than the words that accompany the expression. Remember that facial expressions account for over 50% of any communication, and being adept at interpreting them gives powerful leaders the edge they need to gain advantage they always seem to get - every time.
A Touch of Class
Have you ever seen people touching others when they talk? Some do it in a friendly manner. Children do it with their elders to claim and keep attention. Older, sometimes, more senior people touch their listeners in a patronising way, almost as if they are `blessing' the listener. Used judiciously, the occasional touch can convey very positive messages. Used too often, it can cause irritation (when it comes from a peer), distrust (from a superior) and create barriers (when coming from a subordinate - remember that irritating little neighbour that always demands your attention - you want nothing to do with him?) When both participants indulge in tactile communication, it indicates solidarity or some kind of closeness, which you, as an onlooker can factor into your communication with either of them. Remember though before you get into the touchy-feely state, that such communication is highly intrusive of privacy and can cause more problems than it can solve.
Force-Field
Have you noticed that queues always seem oddly spaced? The distances between people vary, depending on each individual. One person who likes proximity will crowd another who likes to keep his distance. Eventually, after many attempts at adjustment, there is a flare up causing consternation and conflict. When communicating, proximity also flavours your message. A speaker that steps out from behind the lectern toward the audience is better received than one that hides behind a barrier. Greater trust is accorded to such a speaker. Similarly, when you lean towards your listener, you convey that you are interested in him hearing your message, or, if you are the listener, that you are interested in what he is saying. Great tactics to use at your next interview. Your impact at a presentation will improve if you move towards the audience, but if you lean over them or their desk, they feel threatened and start to `tune' you out.
Whatta Body
Actual physical, whole body movements convey several messages, which can be read and processed by the keen observer. People that draw themselves up when they address you are the dominant type, with high-energy assertiveness. A person who shuffles back and forth while standing or moves forward and backwards while talking is someone who is unsure of himself and is not to be wholly relied upon for your purposes. He may not behave like this with others so it's likely that he will find it difficult to work with you. People, who shift from side to side, are exactly that. Shifty. They do not like taking a stand and reflect their mental state physically. Ideally, an honest, sincere person will look you in the eye, with a smile and talk to you without fidgeting about. Often, body movements are such giveaways that companies hire adept observers to advise them about the hiring of a candidate seen in an informal setting.
Spatial Signals
Take a look at the person you are to meet. Look around his office room. There are so many signals in inanimate objects that make dealing with the person much easier. If the room is stark, with no personal effects, you have to be businesslike and cut straight to the point. A person that displays his degrees and diplomas likes to be known for his erudition and educational achievements. Several pictures of his family indicate a family-oriented person and any appeal to those values will find favour. Several photographs of the person with eminent personalities indicate a degree of vanity, which can be used to your advantage.
Tone it Up or Down
Much of what you say is understood by how you say it. Tonal quality, pitch and volume do have an effect on what you say, so really careful attention needs to be paid to it. If you speak in a tone that is in sharp contrast to what you are saying, you are likely to be accused of a flawed attitude. Volume also sends a very clear message. A softer voice will make people pay attention to you when everybody else is being loud; a loud voice often scares people away. Be loud enough to be heard, and not too soft to be unnoticed.
The Xi of Silence
There is energy in silence. People really don't like it and find it uncomfortable. So, if someone comes in to see you, and you keep listening, they will wind down and keep quiet.
Then, if you continue to be silent, they will hurry in to fill the silence with information they did not intend to share with you. Silence can be used effectively for the creation of calmness as well as acute discomfort. It can indicate agreement or disagreement, pleasure or pain. A good communicator can use the energy in silence to convey virtually anything, and a judicious use of the fine art of keeping quiet will often win battles that would otherwise have been lost through protestations and denial.
So, keep your eyes - and ears - open and see what effective observation does for your ability to communicate with the help of kinesics.
ABHIMANYU ACHARYA
abhi.hyd@cnkonline.com
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