Right off the bat, Cyrus Broacha identifies Indian men and their various peculiar habits and practices as his "pet grouse". Back in 2011, he wrote "The Average Indian Male", a careful, no-jokes-barred deconstruction of the myriad peculiarities that come together in the typical Indian man. Now, Broacha turns agony aunt and confidante in his new book, "23 ½ Ways to Make a Girl Fall for You" (Rupa), where he advices against all the usual, awkward methods usually employed to find love, and suggests a casual, normal conversation instead. Broacha’s book combines tongue in cheek observations, fictional accounts of hilarious real life encounters, and some frank advice in his irreverent, easy style.
Excerpt from an interview:
What made you want to help Indian men find love, and write a book about it?
By nature, I am a very reluctant writer, unless it’s a graffiti on a urinal, which I do well, but don’t get enough chance to these days. The people at Rupa insisted that we do something, and we played with a lot of ideas, but I always want to complain about Indian men, my pet grouse. The main problem that emerges is that Indian men don’t have any game, approach or strategy. We are either overconfident or under confident, or putting on a show, like a show pony. Or trying to get to first base too quickly. I wanted to dig into that.
It’s a pretty big problem, and a pretty wide field to cover. How do you plan and structure a book like this?
I tried to make up a lot of the letters in the book from the real incidents that have happened, and included the few incidents that keep repeating. For example, a lot of guys have this thing where they like a girl, but the girl doesn’t know they exist. And these men expect the happy ending to their story to just happen, with nothing in between the beginning and end. Actually, this has a lot to do with the way they’ve been brought up. Us men, we grow up believing the sun shines out of our body parts, we are treated as kings in our homes, but then suddenly we are put in front of the other gender and things don’t come so easily, everything is not done for us. We get exposed, and then we become as good as a limp biscuit.
And then there’s the other side of the story, where the women, the object of this man’s affection, finds herself stalked and followed, and well, generally made uncomfortable…
Yes, these are real stories I’ve heard. I’m stunned when people tell me, I waited at the bus stop for the girl, I’ve followed her, I take the same bus as her every day; not realising that they are becoming stalkers. Of course, in a very rare case it turns into something more serious, but mostly, what a lot of them are actually doing is becoming almost star struck in front of the girl and not thinking before acting. The sad part is they don’t realise that this is just the wrong way to approach the opposite sex. I just feel bad after a point because I know that they don’t have anyone to talk to who can tell them this. There is loneliness and lack of communication, because you don’t want to show people that you are inadequate and need help talking to girls.
So, your book also looks at the softer side of things, where the man is just that clueless about the opposite sex…
In a sense the Indian male is a victim also, because he doesn’t have game, and the woman is a victim because then she becomes the target of a ridiculous approach, and it goes on like that, a cycle. The idea to just help break this cycle through this book, in a tongue in cheek way, and help men find a better way to communicate. Not that my own track record is good, but that’s another story for another day.
A manual for the Indian male, then?
More than a manual, it is hopefully a step in the right direction. The idea it talks about is just being normal and communicating. I think we have forgotten about normal communication. I was thinking, from both genders point of view, if you just introduce yourself, have a normal conversation about the weather, the classroom, the same college issues, that’s how you get to know people. But if you just have a ridiculous conversation where you say ‘I like you’ the first time you meet a girl, she is panicked and awkward. The awkward thing only works if the other person already likes you, only then is it cute and charming.
Tell us about your style, and the way you make sure to stay funny on paper? How do you go about it?
I don’t try to be funny or not funny. I just try to be myself, and be who I am normally. I go with my own way with thinking. The idea is not to put pressure on myself to be funny, because that will defeat the purpose. And, have you met Indian men? Who can be funnier? Have you seen the pants we wear— one size too big or one size too small. Have you seen us on beaches with trousers and black shoes, or in the hot sun with tight jeans? We are a funny species anyway!
I also had all the matter to work with around me — myself, my friends and neighbours, the letters and emails I get for my column, and also got when we were doing the show Love Line . I’ve just tried to use that experience, to help a whole generation of "backward lovers, or lovers to be".
In terms of style, there is no right or wrong, but I guess I’ve just tried to get to the genesis of the problem. Some of the problems sound absurd, and people ask me if they are real questions, but the sad truth is they are, so much so that I’ve written a book about it. People are lonely today, and a lot of Indian men, even if they have brothers, cousins, friends, they will never have this conversation with them. ‘Herogiri’ is a huge issue, when really, the man is quaking underneath.
