Small talk is a habit with most people especially people who are disturbed by silence. They need to fill the silence with usually inane comments about the weather. Well, in Hyderabad one can only say ‘isn’t it hot?’ or ‘it was never so hot usually this time of the year.’.
They say the British mastered the art of conversing about the weather because it’s truly such unpredictable weather and one is so grateful for a sunny day for instance. Our small talk hovers ‘where do you live?’ and horrors!! ‘how many children do you have?’ When one has tried to have children and it just doesn’t happen, these children questions are to be dreaded. But mostly in our populous country it should be a safe subject.
And would it not be great to progress and know a little more about the person and find a truly common interest or find a really unusual aspect about the person. Since these things cannot be forced, it’s wonderful if you can find a chord; some call it chemistry and then you can delve further: nothing personal but perhaps about a unique country the person has visited. One can remember a gentleman who was one of the tea estate managers in the North East and had been abducted and of course lived to tell the tale.
However, sometimes one just knows that this is the hundredth time the story is being told and then of course it’s no fun. It’s the tone, the passion that counts.
So the next time you meet a semi stranger, (often one meets people for years without knowing much about them because the
conversation was all small talk ) try to listen more, of course it’s great fun to talk about ourselves and one has so much to say?
Try this experiment: just don’t say everything you planned to say and you will notice that no one else noticed that you had left out all the gory details! This gives you an opportunity to listen and let the other person also say something!
And if you are lucky you come away a bit wiser for the exchange.
They say that when you are dressed to the nines (whatever that means!) go back to the mirror, look at your self critically and remove one item.
Perhaps this relates only to women as we do not want men to remove any essential part of their clothing do we?
Conversation also does not mean being inquisitive and asking or firing away questions. ‘How much did it cost?’ ‘What is your salary?’ type of questions but being genuinely interested in the other person.
Try asking an older person what was their earliest memory and you get a glimpse into another world.
Inquisitive people are the funnels of conversation; they do not take in anything for their own use, but merely to pass it to another.
Sir Richard Steele
Sir Richard Steele is by the way the Father of Conversation (as we like to say in India)
