Have you ever looked into a mirror and absolutely hated and detested the person you see on the other side?
We were brought up to love ourselves or at least that’s what we would like to believe. Instead, we’ve always been enchanted by the perfect woman; the one with long hair cascading till her waist, full and luscious lips, flawless skin and most important of all, svelte.
I was 17 when it began; freshly out of school I had just completed my board exams and was all set to step into college. That’s when I noticed how the girl in the mirror had a double chin, a paunch and thighs that needed to be hidden. But was that even me, I wondered? She had the same eyes; begging me to bring back the girl they had once belonged to. Not the girl who had stopped facing the mirror, repelled of what she might see.
During my board exams, I had spent most of my hours on the bed eating simultaneously while studying and as a result put on some weight. It came back to haunt me later and so I joined a gym. Despite what my friends and family told me, I considered myself overweight and ugly and starved myself.
Today, I’m 19 and still consider myself fat, which may seem a little ludicrous since I weigh 45 kg and wear clothes that can easily fit a child. What brought this on? That 17-year-old girl who was repulsed by her own reflection, I guess. The doctors have a term for people like me: anorexic. We suffer from an eating disorder that manifests in our mind where we automatically start perceiving ourselves as overweight and as a result starve and avoid food altogether.
I remember a time when all I ate was a fruit and felt elated when I surveyed my flat stomach the next morning. I also remember the nights when I couldn’t fall asleep because my intestines felt like they were playing tug of war, which according to my doctor was because of lack of food. And in many cases, much like mine, anorexia is accompanied by bulimia, another eating disorder where the person throws up any amount of food he/she eats because the calories have chances of adding weight to their body.
I still shiver when I think of those days, purging at night, the pain and the marks that still scar my body because of the unhealthy weight loss. I realised too late that it wasn’t worth it, but I wanted to make amends. I started eating more, which did result in my body rejecting the food and making me ill. As the adage goes, all good things come to those who wait and it worked in my case. An effective dose of yoga, love and healthy eating paid off, resulting in a healthier and happier me.
