Like all unmarried women in their mid-twenties, I am asked on a daily basis when I'm "settling down". The situation is awkward for anyone who asks, because three years ago, I broke my engagement with a man I had been with for around five years. In those three years, he has, I am told, moved continents, got married and fathered a child.
But it doesn't bother me. I am, in every sense of the phrase, over that relationship. I was a child when it started. The age difference was huge, and against all common sense and advice from my parents and others, I stuck to him. I was never allowed to be who I was. Growing up with someone controlling your every move can be stifling. When that someone is a masochist to boot, it can be toxic.
The problem was, he couldn’t quite deal with the woman I grew to be. He tried to mould be, conform me into this vision of who his perfect wife would be. I just never fit. I got tired of being a round peg being pushed repeatedly into a square hole.
But now, I am free. Deliciously free in every way possible.
I don't talk about those years of my life to anyone. So no one could possibly understand why it is such a heady feeling. I can talk to and go out with whomever I want. I can drink whenever I want. I can smoke if I feel like it. I don't have to deal with the incessant texting that is so much a part of relationships these days. I can wear what I want. (It's ridiculous that I actually let someone dictate so much of my life.)
So when I tell people that I am not interested in marriage, I hate how their eyes instantly fill with pity. They immediately assume I am not yet ok with what happened; that I am not ready yet. They tell me that marriage will solve everything. That I should give other men, better men, a chance. That my youth and beauty will not last forever and that these numerous marriage offers will dry up and I will be left sad and alone. You know, just the usual things to make marriage sound so appealing.
The truth is, I am not against marriage. I do want that at some point in my life, just not at this moment.
The concept is simple enough, yet, a surprising number of people have a hard time wrapping their head around it. They have an even harder time accepting that my parents get what I am saying and actually agree with me. They think my parents are taking the easy way out by going with what I say.
How does one explain that there is so much more I want to do before I find someone I can spend the rest of my life with? I want to meet people, date them if I want to, and dump them if I don’t like it (or even be dumped if it comes to it). I want to travel. I want to shift jobs. I want to study more. I want to live.
