Oh dear. You accidentally dumped your boyfriend last week and now realise you're dateless for Valentines. The horror! The horror! Option one is, of course, to give the ex-BF a few days extension. Provided, of course, he's dedicated enough to spend sleepless nights writing you heartbreakingly beautiful Velentine's poetry and acquiring suitably romantic angst-ridden dark circles along the way.
Let's be practical though. You can't wear poetry on your ears now, can you? So if you're more of a diamond solitaire kind of girl, then it's time you start making a list of all the eligible, single men you know. Facebook's a good resource. Snoop through their pictures. You know the relevant logos to zoom in on: Armani, Prada, and Gucci.
Gather your entourage and start hitting the party circuit. Make sure you pick some ugly friends, though. Even if that means you need to sabotage their outfits or makeup. A good tip is taking the girls out for burgers (with extra onions) just before you start clubbing. Sportsmanship is for sweaty people. In the dating game, all is fair in love and war. And this is war.
When a hot man approaches, lower your voice and talk in breathy sentences. Make sure you don't say anything too intelligent — brains frighten the mushy men. So if he's a banker, say something appropriate like, “So (giggle) tell me... like, which of the Lehman brothers, like, caused the economic thingamajig?”
You're working on a deadline, so move fast. In the jungle, remember, only the fittest and most ruthless survive. Make sure you pick an appropriately corny man. He'll be the one who draws — and colours in — hearts on restaurant napkins. Resist an urge to throw your lasagne at him. A dozen roses and getaway to Paris on Valentine's Day requires some sacrifices, after all.
