After having penned books about political and fiscal wars, journalist Pallavi Aiyar has taken a 360-degree turn. Her latest work, aptly titled, “Babies & Bylines” (Harper Collins) is a parenting memoir which brings the trials, tribulations, joys and pain of a scribe dealing with issues of work-life balance, marital equality and bringing up toddlers.
Weaving seamlessly several pertinent issues about identity, value, fairness and choice, the writer infuses humour and mirth chronicling experiences with nannies and doctors, and innocent acts and remarks of the children.
Excerpts from an interaction:
On effects of parenthood on gender relationship and how to tackle them
Parenthood is experienced by a mother and father –– mentally and emotionally –– differently. For the mother it is invasion of her mental space and she is constantly thinking about the child irrespective of place and activity. This is not so for a father. There is a qualitative difference in the way time is felt, experienced and spent by mother and father in parenthood. These deep, fundamental and complicated issues need to be addressed. One should be aware of the challenges and not get ambushed, and one should negotiate them through discussion with the spouse before parenthood.
On lack of family support system
Living in a nuclear family and lack of extended family is a huge disadvantage. Family can be a useful in child caring but it is a double-edge sword. Difference of opinion and views are bound to be there on several issues of child rearing and caring like breast feeding, whether the baby should sleep with the parents, what to feed the baby, etc. These are intensively personal choices and members of extended family will have their views about them. One needs to keep in mind that help from family comes with strings attached.
On books, blogs and Internet helping in parenting and substituting the lack of family support
Yes, these can be of great help when one does not have the support of a mother-in-law or mother. The isolation of motherhood can be shocking and overwhelming. The virtual communities and groups make you feel that you are not alone. Of course, there are no strings attached to this bonding (laughs).
Resources on the net are helpful but there is too much information which is contradictory often confusing the young and first time parents.
On the book as a conversation starter about parenthood
The book tries to honestly share the experience of motherhood which is not discussed. The idea is to break the silence. Starting conversation means asking questions and making people talk about it. I want motherhood and parenting –– relegated to the four walls to become a part of public domain and discussion. It is more important than foreign affairs, prices of vegetables and several other issues which occupy public space for debate. The book I hope will initiate a public policy conversation to make us realise that a functional and holistic society needs not just professionals but also care givers –– parents for children and responsible children for their parents. The watertight compartmentalisation between personal and professional life needs to be broken down. It is important to realise that good parents can become productive employees.
On women being efficient professionals and mothers at the same time
It is really hard. One must realise that you cannot have it all but little bit of everything. For example as an author if you are out on book promotion you may end up missing some important school function. There is a need for trade off and compromises. My emphasis is that public policy should allow you to make reasonable choices and not unreasonable ones like when the child is unwell and the mother is forced to work.
On fathers shouldering more responsibility
To help strike a balance especially for working women, fathers must shoulder equal responsibility at home. At present a very small number of fathers go beyond changing diapers. There is definitely more to parenthood which is a 24-hour job. Fathers must concern themselves with other activities, like feeding, school activities, homework, etc.
