Looking for a bridge over troubled water? Krithvi Shyam, our young psychologist, addresses your worst anxieties.

I have been in a relationship with a guy for four months now. Sadly, he got a job offer in Zurich and had to leave, while I am in New York, winding up my thesis. We are very different, and I guess, that is why we fell head over heels for each other. He is an extrovert, very ‘explain!’ kind of a person. I am the introvert, ‘silence speaks’ kind. Last week I went into my reclusive shell and was hermitting for four days. When I resurfaced, I had to face his extreme wrath/rage/frustration. I was given “2 minutes to explain” and brutally cornered. The fact is, there was nothing to explain; I was simply enjoying solitude, my own presence, my heartbeat, my heavy breaths. The fact that he did not understand perturbed me. Should we break up?

So Confused

If your idea of “hermitting” is to send out a mass email in advance, announcing that you will not be answering phone calls or responding to messages for the next four days because of “limited access” (or whatever excuse you want to give), then yes, I think that it was not justified for your boyfriend to confront you like that. However, if you just suddenly cut off all communication without any prior warning, then I think any sane person who repeatedly tried to contact you (and failed) would have concluded by Day three that you were either kidnapped, dead, or doing an unusually good job of avoiding him/her. The two of you have been in a relationship for four months, and are just getting to know each other. If you had not told your boyfriend about your “hermitting” earlier, then you need to apologise for this incident and give him time to calm down. However, if he knew what was going on but still threw a tantrum, then maybe he’s not someone you want to be considering a long-term, long-distance relationship with.

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