I am 21-years-old, and I was in love with a girl during my final year at college but I could never propose and it all because I lacked confidence. On the other hand, she was the topper in my department and also found good placement but I did not even have a proper career plan. After college I started preparing for civil services examination and I decided to propose on the day of our graduation. But while I was coaching for my civil services, I was also attracted to another girl but that was just a phase. However, on the day of our graduation I once again unable to propose. And again I blame the lack of confidence in me. What should I choose a proposal as I do not want to miss an opportunity or build my career and then think of the proposal?

Much help needed

Which “proposal” do you mean? The dictionary definition kind, with a wedding and prospective in-laws? Or the Tanglish kind, where “girl who is a friend” becomes “girlfriend”? In any case, you’ve pretty much answered your own questions. Your insecurity with not having a career is negatively affecting your self-confidence. So try focusing on building a career and see if that improves your confidence before embarking on any relationships. As for whether your love is sincere or not, you wouldn’t be asking that if you hadn’t had doubts yourself. You are not ready to contemplate marriage with someone if (a) you find yourself attracted to others at the same time and (b) you’re trying to race against an imaginary clock where if you “waste time”, your crush will “marry someone else”.

I am a 20-year-old in love with a guy. When we fought he would attempt suicide. Last year my friends said that he is in a relationship with another girl who happened to be one of my friends. My boyfriend started avoiding me and all his actions spoke of his love for her.

I knew I could not stay away from him. So even though I got admission in an engineering college in Coimbatore I stayed back and am now pursuing B.Com. Of late, my boyfriend has been making promises to me saying he does not love the other girl and he just wanted to make me jealous because someone else had proposed to me. But I have no clue whether I should trust him or not. Is he just playing with my emotions or is he truly in love with me?

Completely confused

Before addressing your question, I’d like to take a moment to pick up this misconception that people have about suicide, douse it in kerosene and set it on fire. Everyone, please note that attempting self-harm or suicide is not evidence of your love for someone. There are several other ways to show a person that you care (eg: making them dinner, giving them a foot massage, not threatening to kill yourself, etc.). Some of you may have heard your significant other talk about how they would hurt themselves if/when your relationship hits a speed bump. Please tell them that you do not want them to take such drastic measures for a problem that can be solved just by talking things out. If they continue to make those threats, get them psychological help.

Right, on to your question: You can still get a job with your degree, or you could choose to build on it further by getting a postgraduate degree, like an MBA. Start exploring your options! There’s no point in dwelling on a choice that has already been made.

As for your relationship, it looks like you and your guy, in the process of making each other jealous, have lost track of your own feelings towards each other. If you think he’s being truthful, give this one last effort and try working on your relationship; but if you find yourself being constantly suspicious of him, it’s time to move on.

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