I have a friend who prides himself on being patient at work, yet he admits that when he goes home he becomes impatient and restless. In similar fashion another friend recounts that he can be patient with his children yet he finds waiting in a queue riling.
I often wonder why it is possible for people to be patient in one context and not in another. I ask myself if I have something called a “patient quotient” that works in one situation and does not in another.
It almost seems as though this roiling world is conspiring to test our patience at every turn. The point to appreciate is that being patient is not simply putting up with something nor is it a matter of learning to control our restlessness, irritation and disagreement. Certainly these forms of emotional self-management are part of it, but the full practice of patience is broader in scope. Instead of reacting only when we encounter unwanted situations, patience is a way to act at all times so that negative situations occur less frequently and less destructively. Rather than being simply a passive way out of a bad situation it might be wise to be less self-righteous, reactive, show gentle forbearance, tolerant with self and accepting that I can also get upset and angry, thus being compassionate with self and with the other and therefore neutralize the agony we are being caused.
When we are on the verge of losing patience, perhaps just about to make a cutting remark, even seething because somebody offended us, whatever the trigger, we must recognise it as a danger signal warning us that if we simply let out our frustration we may wind up hurting not only the target of our animosity but ourselves in the process. It is at the very moment of such an upsurge that we must remind ourselves of the need for forbearance for without it we will end up hurting ourselves in the process.
Other people cannot cause us to be impatient unless we let them do so. We make ourselves impatient through our expectations and demands, fixated attachments and stuckness.
