‘Sitting is the new smoking.’ Holy smoke! I said to myself the first time I read this news item that has been doing the rounds for a while now. I instinctively sat up; then hastily stood up to read the rest of the article, quite like the policeman in movies who jumps up and stands at attention when he gets a call from his superior. The contents impressed me. This needs a standing ovation, I thought.
I decided to spread the word and sprang it on a friend who is a sitting duck for all the physical ailments the article promised. She is one who believes that legs are merely decorative appendages, to be used as sparingly as possible. She didn’t respond like I had done – springing up is an exertion alien to her temperament. In fact, she didn’t stir; she merely looked up at me, puzzled. Yes, you guessed right; she looked up because I was standing like an impatient prophet of doom before her. ‘You mean it is as pleasurable?’ she asked lazily. ‘Pleasurable? Ha! You must be smoking, I mean, joking,’ I replied. ‘Sitting is as dangerous as smoking. Just listen...’
I reeled off whatever I could remember – that sitting for a prolonged period slackens the body’s metabolism causing the lipo-whatever enzyme, which breaks down our body’s fat reserves to botch up its function. Meanwhile, inactivity also prompts the body’s blood pressure and blood glucose levels to rise and ultimately you end up with diabetes, heart ailments and even cancer. Obesity and poor posture are the additional perks. Not a cheerful prospect at all.
She refused to believe me. ‘It’s normal to sit. People have been sitting happily for ages,’ she protested. ‘And dying like flies,’ I added theatrically. It took some effort, but finally I managed to convince her that sitting for long is indeed fatal. ‘Research has proved it,’ I said, with the ring of authority. ‘And the World Health Organisation says physical inactivity is the fourth biggest killer on the planet.’ Now she looked agitated and exclaimed, ‘But I’ve always sat! It’s part of being comfortable.’ ‘What is sat cannot be unsat,’ I said ungrammatically. ‘But it’s never too late to make amends. You’ve got to spend more time on your feet than in your seat. And your time starts now.’
But she was right – sitting indeed contributes hugely to your comfort. Asking guests to be seated is a prerequisite of good etiquette, of putting them at ease. And you’re always looking around for seats or booking them – whether you’re visiting, travelling, going for a movie or attending a programme. The sofa, the settee, the bench and the chair are part of the furniture in any drawing room, waiting room, class room or workplace.
How weird is this? You take advantage of various inventions to make yourself comfortable, read inactive mobile and cordless phones to render you immobile, vehicles to transport you to your place of work or wherever you wish to go, lifts or escalators to take you to different floors, chairs to sit on as you work or relax, cosy settees in front of the TV to make you snug as you transform into a couch potato, munching chips... And just when, smart phone in hand, you think smugly that life is one lazy, idyllic picnic, there comes this alarming assertion – ‘sitting is the new smoking.’
You realise, too late, the merits of the old life when you ambled to the bus stop, got into a crowded bus by elbowing your way in – quite some art, that – and stood throughout the journey, alighted and walked briskly to your workplace, ran up several flights of steps to reach your office where, perhaps, you did sit down. But your work kept you in regular touch with human beings, not machines; and human beings have the knack for making you jump to your feet constantly. Interestingly, it is believed that women live longer than men because the housework they do keeps them on their feet. Alas, in their fight for equal rights, they are squandering this vital advantage over men; their desk jobs are making them as vulnerable as men to lifestyle diseases.
Milton knew what he was talking about when he said, ‘they also serve who only stand and wait.’ Or maybe he should have said, ‘they serve best who only stand and lose weight.’
I typed the last part of the article standing up; pardin the errrrrors...
(khyrubutter@yahoo.com. A fortnightly column by the city-based writer, academician and author of the Butterfingers series)
