1) Let’s say it together. We are not Christmas trees. So, drop the flashing lights, glittering tinsel and blinding bangles. If you must have the electronic belt with your name scrolling by in flashing red lights, keep your outfit quieter.
2) Bags with bells and whistles work. The bigger the better, so it holds all your make up. Look for big gold buckles, brass studs and patent leather so shiny you can use it to re-touch your lip gloss.
3) If you want to play safe (you boring old pigeon, you) work with solid colours and then add a touch of bling. Like a bright, colourful, reflective ring. Or, postbox red stilettos. Or, screaming scarlet lipstick.
4) Going for the hip hop cool thug look? Your initials on diamond encrusted jewellery is the way to go. Teamed, of course, with a black T-shirt tight enough to cut off circulation, and jeans so skinny people can read your credit card number.
5) Bling just won’t work if you’re apologetic about it. Once you figure out how to balance your outfit, go the whole hog. Be loud. Be vulgar. Be flashy. Bling is about personality. Even if you’re faking it.