The world of beverages is indeed myriad and mysterious. Often, one comes across claims, habits or advertisements that make no sense, at least not in the world of logic and surely not to someone who works in the trade. Here is a short list from what could be labelled my omnibus, ‘What Grinds my Gears’.
‘X’ times distilled: How can vodka brands get away with selling a product that is flavourful if it is distilled a gazillion times to pristine purity? If you start with something tasteless, won’t it only become more neutral if you distil it again and again? Conversely, if it is flavour that one is trying to concentrate, how is it vodka? Why not just make Armagnac, or single malt? Maybe the confusion lies at the heart of the product: people don’t know which it is they want – a flavour-free or a flavoursome spirit.
Flutes for champagnes: They say that it is inappropriate for champagne to be served in a saucer because it makes it lose the fizz too quickly. Strange then, that even when I leave an open bottle in my fridge for a day, it doesn’t seem to go flat on me the next evening. Given how long it takes to infuse bubbles into every bottle of Champagne, it is highly unlikely that simple glass curvature could induce immediate loss of fizz. I continue to prefer the saucer and here are two good reasons why: it delivers the drink to the side of the palate where we perceive acidity, thereby enhancing our enjoyment of the drink. A flute on the other hand, puts the drink bang on the middle of our tongue which, sadly, is devoid of all sensory receptors. A tulip is a shape that’s a compromise at best. And secondly, it was allegedly modelled after Marie Antoinette’s left breast and that is perhaps the clincher why no other receptacle will ever be as inviting.
Neat Whisky: I get it; ice is not good. But we live in tropical climes. We also live in updated times. And even the most seasoned know that a splash of water helps a good single malt open up better. This is not ‘on the rocks’ (filling the glass with ice before pouring a spirit over it), as there, the ice cools down the liquid without diluting it. With cask strength stuff though – 53% alcohol or higher – it can be a good idea to tone it down. Adding a small ice cube which melts quickly, thereby infusing the right amount of water into our drink is acceptable.
Cognac is a digestive: Neither Cognac nor Armagnac is so uni-dimensional that it cannot manage to make an early entry into an evening. Before a lousy vine house disrupted production, these were the original toasts of royal courts and the nobility across Europe. Scotch hadn’t become popular even in England till Cognac production fell in the late 19 century. Next time you wish to start your evening with a drink with a twist, try a VS Cognac (or Armagnac) with tonic water or ginger ale.
Room temperature: No matter how much this is stressed, someone somewhere will assume it wrong. Wines are like people; if the room is too hot for you, it is too hot for the wine, no matter which wine. Always remember to serve wine cooler than required because drinking temperature is a good few degrees higher. Best to put a bottle in the fridge for a while – three to four hours for white and 30 minutes for red – before serving. You will surely relish the wine more.
Cooking with bad wine: People think that the best thing to do with wine that is going bad is to use it for cooking. Unless ‘swill’ is your choice of flavour, you shouldn’t do that. Cooking will only concentrate the evil flavours that you disliked while sipping it. Here is an updated adage: ‘Never cook with wine you wouldn’t drink.’
Magandeep Singh is India's first sommelier, food, wine and travel writer and TV show host. His passions include studying languages and choking the saxophone. In his free time he works.
