Forget-me-Knots

In the affluent world of second-generation Indian-Americans, weddings are a memorable mix of the wacky and the traditional.

July 26, 2014 04:45 pm | Updated July 28, 2014 11:42 am IST

Indian-American weddings seem to be a a mix of the wacky and the traditional.

Indian-American weddings seem to be a a mix of the wacky and the traditional.

Carnatic music played in the background as 200 guests waited for the wedding ceremony to begin. A Bollywood tune played as the bride’s parents escorted the veiled groom to the mandap . It was an English pop song when they walked with their daughter. The bride was dressed in a maroon lehenga , her hands and feet intricately decorated with henna . The nine bridesmaids and groomsmen — all of different nationalities — wore colour-coordinated saris and sherwanis .

The priest lit the fire and the sound of Sanskrit mantras filled the room. But before the bride and groom took the seven steps around the fire and the mangalsutra was tied, the couple exchanged rings and made personal vows to each other — many serious, others not so much. The bridegroom vowed “to buy free-range organic chicken for $29.95 a pound.” The bride responded, “I vow to be your backscratcher even with freshly manicured nails.” When it was all over, the bride prodded the priest to announce that it was time for the groom to kiss the bride. The guests applauded.

At a South Indian wedding, where the groom was an African-American, the couple jumped over a broom; a practice borrowed from the groom’s side.

Welcome to the affluent world of second-generation immigrant Indian weddings in the U.S. In this melting pot, youngsters choose partners who may be from other parts of India or the globe. Having been independent from the age of 18, when they leave for college, they decide the contours of the ceremony: from invitations and type of wedding to even the size and composition of the guest list, often a bone of contention with their parents.

Weddings here come in many shapes and sizes. They can be very elaborate, including bachelor and bachelorette parties, rehearsal dinners, sangeets , pujas , and post-wedding brunches. Or it can be the other way. At one wedding, the punctual-to-a-fault bride walked down the aisle on her father’s arm to the strains of classical western music. Vows and rings were exchanged and the ceremony was over in 15 minutes. Tardy guests trying to park their cars missed the wedding. An exciting version is the destination wedding that is held in an exotic, far-away resort. A beach wedding in the Caribbean is not only fun but also means a free vacation for all the guests.

Then there are the do-it-yourself weddings, where the couple asks a respected friend to officiate and help structure the ceremony. And, yes, it is legal. Massachusetts requires the submission of a form, a recommendation and a $39 fee to issue a one-day license. Other states accept a free license obtained over the Internet. At one such event, the families and the guests were part of an interactive secular service. They blessed the rings that were passed around and loudly shouted ‘yes’ when asked if they agreed to be part of the young couple’s lives. A guitar was strummed, two poems were read, vows — both serious and funny — were exchanged. The officiant reflected on the union and pronounced them married.

When the couple belongs to different religions, they may choose to follow only one tradition or include aspects of both traditions into a single wedding. Some opt for multiple weddings; say a Hindu ceremony followed by a church wedding. No matter which tradition they opt for, all host a standard western reception in the evening, beginning with a cocktail hour. The Indian women are bejewelled and dressed in the latest Indian fashions. The guests are seated at assigned tables that are formally decorated with expensive floral centrepieces. A young ebullient Indian DJ — always male — with a very loud mike and a personality to match acts as the MC. There are endless speeches and toasts, some funny, others fuelled by the free liquor. The bride and groom take to the floor with a slow dance, which is followed by a dance with their respective parents and in-laws. Watching a very traditional woman gamely struggling to dance with her new son-in-law can be amusing. The dance floor is then opened to the guests. The food is predictable; usually a North Indian buffet with a slice of the wedding cake being one of the desserts.

How much does all this cost? Meghna Trivedi, a wedding planner, estimates it to be at least $50,000 for just the vendors. That too for a one-day wedding and reception in New Jersey. Throw in jewellery, clothes, gifts and other events, and the sky’s the limit. A recent wedding in a luxury casino in Las Vegas allegedly cost $8 million for a weekend. It included guests arriving by chartered plane from Houston and a caparisoned elephant brought in from outside the state for the baraat .

Regardless of the type and cost, one thing is certain. Indian weddings here are colourful, unpredictable and fun.

Kala Ranganathan is a freelance journalist who lives in Irvington, New York.

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