Live and let dye

How an increasing number of people are greying with grace.

December 20, 2014 05:30 pm | Updated December 21, 2014 12:06 pm IST

Illustration: Satwik Gade

Illustration: Satwik Gade

What does it take to embrace your grey hair in an age when selfies reign supreme, where brunch is often a botox break and dress size is as much a status symbol as an Hermès Birkin? A growing tribe of women — in their 30s, 40s and 50s — all confident and successful at what they do, scoff at this collective obsession with superficiality. And make greying a matter of pride.

Binaifer Bharucha (36) recently showed that grey can be downright glamorous. The freelance photographer from Mumbai appeared in the April issue of Elle India in a photo feature celebrating grey hair. Bharucha, who started greying even while in school, says, “Now it is a part of my personality. I have short hair, so it looks pretty funky and individualistic. Total strangers often ask why I look young and still have so much grey hair.”

Radhika Chandiramani is another woman who believes sexy is a silvery shade. Chandiramani (48), a clinical psychologist and founder of TARSHI (Talking About Reproductive and Sexual Health Issues) in New Delhi, says, “I began greying when I was around 25. I had a grey streak right in the centre and it did wonders for my assessment of my sex appeal!”

Maureen Gonsalves (53), programme coordinator at the Goethe-Institut/Max Mueller Bhavan in Bengaluru, also thinks grey hair looks great. “My hair is very important to me and that’s precisely the reason why I don’t colour it,” she says.

But in a world where image is everything, do your looks (and your hair) better your prospects of promotion? No, say Chandiramani and Gonsalves. At the end of the day, you need to be good at your job. But Swaroop Rao, chief marketing officer at The Writers Block, a technical communication outsourcing company in Bengaluru, points out that it takes a certain level of personal self-esteem, strength and professional success to stay true to one’s hair colour. “Looking good (and glossy-haired) is second only to one’s professional skills, especially if your role is about facing customers. For my organisation, I’d consider it on a par with having good communication and people skills.” It takes spunk for a woman to let her greys be, agrees Rao and frankly admits, “Not everyone has it ... not me.”

Another factor in this looks-talent conundrum is that premature greying is on the rise. Bengaluru-based dermatologist Dr. Mukta Sachdev has seen increasing numbers of children and young teens with greying hair. “Canities is the medical term and it is a genetic condition. The increasing numbers definitely points to a multi-factorial etiology of lifestyle, diet and environmental factors,” she says.

Today, just as melanin in the skin requires extensive use of beauty products, lack of melanin in the hair is tackled equally seriously. As a result, India is one of the fastest growing markets for beauty products and services. Around 40 per cent of the daily clientele at Manjul Gupta’s chain of Bodycraft unisex salon/spas across Bengaluru seeks root coverage and colouring of greys.

Early greying and the growing market catering to that phenomenon both indicate the need and the constant pressure to look good. Bharucha points out, “It is tough for women to embrace grey hair at any age. We are continuously bombarded with images of women being told to colour their hair the minute they find a grey strand. We place immense — sometimes almost unrealistic — emphasis on looking younger.”

Dr. Anjali Chhabria, psychiatrist, psychotherapist and founder of Mindtemple in Mumbai, feels women today “… are pressured to fulfil all their roles and maintain a young and fabulous self. Selfies and advertisements of cosmetic products and various treatments/surgeries available, which celebs espouse, add to the stress.” All this, she says, can lead young women to feel depressed, overly self-critical and self-conscious, especially in social gatherings. “It can lead to unhealthy coping strategies such as eating disorders or body image disorders,” she says. That is why dermatologists like Dr. Sachdev end up counselling their patients. “It definitely affects your self-esteem as grey hair has been traditionally associated with ageing,” Dr. Sachdev says.

So, is it the toughest thing in the world to just ‘be’ yourself? Dr. Chhabria says, “Women with a high sense of self-worth and esteem choose to be exactly who they are. This applies to their physical appearance as well. They take pride in their ageing. Acceptance plays a key role in this.”

A woman can have grey hair and feel sexy and be successful, say both Gonsalves and Chandiramani. And Bharucha, on her part, says she often receives compliments on her salt-and-pepper hair “especially from younger people who colour their hair, wishing they could let go and do the same.”

“Self-confidence,” says Chandiramani, “speaks louder than any fashion statement.”

And when a national fashion magazine makes a point of featuring women who embrace their greys; that makes going grey a positive welcome process.

Pressure to look good

Many people, well in their 50s and 60s, are unusually dark-haired. Many film stars, socialites and celebrities, for instance. “Bengaluru-based journalist, author and columnist C.K. Meena, who is in her 50s, has had grey hair from her teens, asks, “Why have jet black hair when the rest of you is shriveled and wrinkled? Perhaps for those who colour their hair, the dilemma is when to stop dyeing. Because if you suddenly stop dyeing, your hair turns a ghastly colour.”

According to Dr. Sachdev, “Greying and your attitude to it is a personal choice. You need to be comfortable with your looks and body. Personally, I have grey hair and am quite comfortable with it at this time. But honestly, it really depends on your state of mind. Life is dynamic — feel good about yourself both externally but more important, internally.”

Yet sometimes, for those in the spotlight, the constant pressure to always look good leads to a desperate pursuit of youthful looks. For such people, Mumbai-based Aishwarya Subramanyam, editor of Elle India magazine, says, “… youth, or the appearance of youth, seems to be the only way to stay relevant, and we all contribute to the obsession.” Subramanyam, in her early 30s, claims she is as “superficial as the next person, and not terribly fond of ageing. I tell myself there is wisdom in every wrinkle. But ask me (about going grey) in 10 years’ time, and I might be desperately trying to hold on to youth myself,” she says, wryly. The Elle photo feature, she adds, was “to send up a great big cheer for women who break tradition and champion a different kind of beauty.”

Grey tech

What happens to older employees in new technology companies in India where youth is omnipresent? Where Human Resources (HR) policy is geared towards keeping the extremely young workface happy and motivated? Do older employees face ‘ageism’ in India, as they do in the West? According to a tech industry veteran working in Delhi with one of the best-known tech companies in the world, ageism per se is not a problem in the Indian tech industry. "Though at 43, I do sometimes find it awkward to be dealing with 20-something, pony-tailed colleagues,” he smiles. Referring to “looking good” at the workplace, he says Indian tech firms tend to prefer being formal in terms of clothes, while American tech firms encouraged casual dressing.

Vaishali Khandekar, a former Infoscian, who now runs literary magazine Reading Hour in Bengaluru, too agreed she never found anyone treating people with grey hair differently, during her time at Infosys. “We were total geeks, actually,” she says.

Asked about the pressure to look good as well as be good at the job, Khandekar pointed out that most Indian tech firms work in software services, while American tech firms such as Google and Facebook are product companies. “They are their own bosses. But in software services, you cannot be less smartly dressed than your client,” she points out.

Today, there is more pressure to look good, but that is happening everywhere and not just in technology firms. “A friend who works at a multi-national company told me she is forced to buy three-four new outfits every month, for work,” Khandekar said.

On his part, the tech veteran added that as the Indian technology sector matures, the industry will eventually need to deal with the disparities in age among the workforce. “But there is no ageism, per se, as it is perceived in the West,” he adds.

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