Bonsoir, Madame / Monsieur! Greetings from Gabon! Je — a French-speaking, lowland gorilla!
Comment allez-vous?
Excusez-moi
Est-ce que vous parlez francais? Non?
Désolé(e)... I’m sorry — Je ne parle pas anglais — I don’t speak English too good. Well, never mind that — je write in anglais. Oui? You see, Gabon, a country in West Africa, is, rather was, a French... how shall I put it — colony till 1960. French is the official language here. Wot to do? Nice place for people, you know — oil, minerals and money, oui . Nice for us primates in tropical rainforests.
Ça me plait — non, je love it here.
Eighty-five per cent of Gabon is covered by forests. Wot to do? Oui , forests are home to these chimps, mandrills and many other animals. The Equator passes through Gabon, the Republic of the Congo, Democratic Republic of the Congo, Uganda, Kenya and Somalia. Zaire is the old name of the Democratic Republic of the Congo. Je biggest primate, nearly six feet tall.
Monkeying around
Mandrill, the colourful clown, biggest monkey in Old World. But he is only three feet tall. Shorty, non ? He has Napoleon complex — small, aggressive with attitude.
Mandrills — scientific name Mandrillus sphinx, are the largest of the Old World monkeys. They are usually about three feet tall, stocky and muscular, with olive-green fur, a short tail, purple-tinted blue, bare bottom, a yellow, beard-like mane, a red stripe down the nose, bright blue ridges running down the sides of the face and crimson patches over deep, closely-set eyes. Large canine teeth add to his fierce appearance. Ugly... wot to do?
Both he and I are endangered animals.
Je — how to say it — lowland gorillas more French than English... wot to do — can’t write well.
Excusez-moi, je finish in French, oui?
Oú sons les toilettes? Où puis-je trouver un taxi?
Wot to do — I have to ask.
Merci.
Gorilla gorilla gorilla
Reply from Aristotle
I am under attack from zany animals from across the planet! This gorilla chap is the largest primate, standing over six-feet tall but surely not the brightest, judging by his letter. This knuckle-walking knucklehead sounds illiterate. Usually, he communicates with grunts, belches, barks and roars — you don’t seriously think he has written this, do you? He has cut from encyclopaedias and internet sites on useful French for tourists and pasted them here. I think he doesn’t know what he has written in his letter.
Does he really know French? His last two questions translate as — Where are the bathrooms? Where can I take a taxi?
