Expectations and reality

Optimism isn’t enough — learning to adjust to the pace and rhythm of the real world helps.

October 05, 2014 04:02 pm | Updated May 23, 2016 07:32 pm IST

Great expectations could lead to disappointment.

Great expectations could lead to disappointment.

Ajay began his quest for a fourth-year project by shooting out a brief introductory email to three professors in top research institutes. “Write separately to all the professors working in your field in these institutes,” his father advised, but Ajay turned a deaf ear to it. “Let me first hear from them. I will mail others only if nothing turns up,” he told his father. He actually expected that his very first mail would bring him a positive response — and that too immediately. After all, this was the age of technology. Every message and every mail got instant response. Things could not be different at the level of the people who actually made these technology wonders possible, he thought.

But things were different. A day passed, then two days, then three. Not a cheep from any of the three professors. Ajay was amazed at first, then stunned. One week passed. Then ten days. Ajay grew rattled.

“What did you expect,” his father demanded. “Professors have nothing better to do than reply immediately to overconfident whippersnappers like you? Who knows whether your mails reached at all? Check out what your seniors did before you. Then do the needful.”

It took Ajay nearly three months of hard toiling, desperate pleas and promises and many nights of self-doubt before he finally secured himself a project. And though it was not exactly the project of his dreams, he was not complaining!

Reality bites We are used to communication that is faster than wildfire. A Whatsapp message gets a hundred responses in a jiffy. A series of chat messages can solve a problem before the blink of an eye. Communication has ensured the setting up of informal near-constant online support groups that respond to our every need at any hour of the day or night.

It therefore comes as a surprise and even, sometimes, a nasty jolt, to find that an email can actually bring no response.

“I thought I would get what I want and as soon as I applied,” said Shravani bitterly, speaking of her summer research fellowship application. “But I got nothing. Actually nothing. I didn’t even hear from anyone. It is an uncivil world.”

But the problem is no more with the world than it is with us. Our expectations are based on preconceived notions. Shravani thought she was qualified for the summer fellowship — she did not think that there might be thousands of candidates (or lakhs) who could be more or at least as qualified as she was. She felt she deserved to be chosen, but so did a few lakh others, all of whom were vying for the few thousand positions. The stakes were high, the competition was cut throat, and she lost — like so many others.

Great expectations and over-confidence are traits of youth. In this fast-paced world, where everything can be ordered online and delivered in a phenomenally short time, it is natural to assume that the ‘order-and-receive’ formula will always work. But it does not. And while you can fight over a pizza that is delivered late and demand money back, there is actually very little you can do when a mail to a Head of the Department elicits no response.

Facing setbacks Let us not for a moment argue about the right and wrong of a senior professor/scientist not responding to an eager and anxious, hopeful and optimistic college student. The world out there is vast and unpredictable. There are all sorts of people and in all sorts of circumstances. It is for us to find our way carefully through the world.

To many young people, the first experience of disappointment, failure and frustration comes at college. But every small setback is actually a great life lesson. The next time you apply or prepare for something, your experience will inform and guide your preparation, your decision and action. Your expectations will be more realistic and guarded, and you will learn to rustle up a smart back-up package. So temper your expectations with a more sober understanding of reality, learn to adjust to the pace and rhythm of the real world, and be positive. You can’t go wrong!

E-mail: sumathi.sudhakar@gmail.com

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