The original Piranha in 1978 was a spoof of Steven Spielberg's Jaws. The sequel in 1981, Piranha II: The Spawning” also known as “Piranha II: The Flying Killers” was directed by, believe it or faint, James Cameron. Unfortunately, Piranha 3DD, the sequel to the 2010 Piranha 3D has no king of the world in the making. John Gulager, who previously helmed the Feast trilogy, (there is some obsession with eating going on here) has effectively leached all the fun out of the premise by trying too hard.
All the star cameos, the lovely ladies, the skin and the gore and the tragic-looking piranhas cannot save this film. The film is supposed to have a run time of 83 minutes. After our censors were through, there was only about an hour of the film left and even that felt too long.
Ving Rhames, who was deputy sheriff in the first movie is here minus legs still killing the evil fish with a gun attached to his steel leg (oh please!). Christopher Lloyd, who was such fun as mad professor with goo goo eyes to match the piranhas, also tries gamely to pep up proceedings but can't do much apart from count hits on YouTube. And what of the David Hasselhoff? The Hoff plays himself and spoofs his lifeguard avatar from Baywatch” down to the slo-mo run but comes across as a sorry spectacle.
Oh the story. After the events of spring break at Lake Victoria, which left behind a ghost town, action shifts to a nearby town where the slimy Chet is all set to open an adult-themed water park by getting water from a deep well or lake or something. Of course, he will not listen to his marine biologist step-daughter who tells him about the evolving, wicked piranhas.
Lots of skinny dipping and kinky sex later, the piranhas come in full force and eat everything in their way. All the villains die in a variety of involved ways, but you are just too bored to care. The piranhas should've walked out of the movie demanding their money back or more interesting treatment. When Hoff walks into the park, he says: “Welcome to rock bottom.” Truer words haven't been spoken.
Incidentally, there is scope for a sequel as towards the end of the film, the piranhas have evolved and can walk! Maybe there is some subliminal Darwinism going on here — like an x-rated evolution class. So Piranha 3 should have killer amphibians, followed by reptiles, birds and finally mammals. Whatever.
Cast: Danielle Panabaker, Matt Bush, David Koechner, Chris Zylka, Katrina Bowden, Gary Busey, Christopher Lloyd, David Hasselhoff
Director: John Gulager
Storyline: After terrorising the citizens of Lake Victoria, the prehistoric piranhas are back at an adult water park
Bottomline: This unappetising sequel tries too hard