Waiting in the wings for five years, this one behaves exactly the way a canned product left in the open does. Mush has gone musty and the adrenaline rush has gathered rust. A lot has changed in the interim.

Kareena Kapoor has lost puppy fat and has become a fashion diva. Shahid Kapoor has proved that he is much more than just a cute boy and Bollywood has moved beyond soppy melodramas where with every emotional twist in the tale the decibel level of hey hey and ha ha in the background grows. And when the change reminds of the past we have closed, the exercise becomes futile. It is like going back to those pale diary pages and finding a dried flower in between. It gives moments of joy — we do get to see the spark of two people madly in love — but it can't hold you for hours.

The good old diary plays an important part here. Remember the times when the hero used to steal the heroine's diary to know all her secret wishes and the heroine used to believe, blinking those false eye lashes, that destiny has found a boy for her. When she discovers the truth, she takes it as the ultimate act of cheating and parts ways. Meanwhile, the boy while trying to be her man actually embodied those traits. And what were those traits — a teetotaller who doesn't tell lies!

We thought our fate has changed as far as Bollywood plots are concerned but Satish Kaushik is in no hurry to turn a fresh leaf. Kaushik has proved in the past that he can make exaggeration work within a time-tested formula. His heroine is not career-oriented woman but a girl who wants to get married and have kids. His script is peppered with a well-meaning Muslim shop-owner and a Parsi landlady.

At times even the background music changes according to the religion of the character! Originality is not his forte but Kaushik knows how to play with characters, who wear their emotions on their sleeves and still get a standing ovation in the theatres of the hinterland.

But here he loses the plot, as he rips off Serendipity. Unlike the original, here the itch of separation doesn't play out effectively as Kaushik escapes the detailing with a single line cliché — three years later. If the two were so desperate to be together, then why play the cumbersome destiny game. In the age of communication, the logic of prolonged separation — when the two realise their true feelings — doesn't hold and the emotion is not allowed to grow. Himesh Reshammiya's dated track doesn't help and jaded visuals of Bangkok with a blonde-haired Kareena Kapoor in dated costumes mar the scenery.

Milenge Milenge

Genre: Romance

Director: Satish Kaushik

Cast: Kareena Kapoor, Shahid Kapur, Aarti Chhabria, Delnaaz Paul and Satish Shah

Storyline: A college girl wants to settle down with a teetotaller who doesn't lie. Destiny brings her to a prankster, who gets to know about it and pretends to be her dream guy. Does the romance survive ? Leave it to fate...

Bottomline: Can't be on your menu for the week