Remember what Swades did to Shah Rukh Khan?

That showed us a sincere, conscientious side of the star who could act in national interest, made us feel so damn patriotic and left us with goosebumps.

Jai Ho does that for Salman Khan.... “What? Really??”

Nah! Kidding. It just tells us again about everything Bhai likes.

Bhai loves anarchy

Here, Bhai turns ambassador of anarchy, calling himself an aam aadmi, only to turn the angry young man type into an angry Hulk-animal. He roars, pounces and even bites. His Jai Agnihotri is all about breaking the law (any resemblance to his real self is purely coincidental). If he had his way, we would have artillery gun fire on the streets since his friends from the army can smuggle a military tank into town. Yes, Suneil Shetty can do anything.

Bhai loves to remake

Remember the trailer of Pay It Forward? It was remade in Telugu as a full length feature film Stalin (A.R. Murugadoss has been credited for this story) and now has been given the Salman Khan treatment (that involves removing unwanted elements like plot, characterisation, logic, subplot and subtext and stuffing it with pure muscle and brawn). The hands-less, helpless Genelia, who can’t write her exam but can still climb a railing to jump off the top floor.

Bhai loves to help

So an assistant choreographer becomes a heroine (Daisy Shah is a terrific dancer but otherwise just used as an excuse to unleash underwear jokes), his brother gets to be director (Sohail Bhai wants to do conscientious cinema) and many out-of-work actors get comeback roles (it is really good to see someone like Sameer Khakhar, Khopdi from Nukkad come back even he is typecast again as a drunkard). And Aam Aadmi Party gets free endorsement (There is an honest middle class savvy CM who takes on a corrupt power hungry Home Minister... did they make this film overnight or stage nationwide drama to make the film relevant?)

Bhai likes Sunny Paaji

We have rarely seen Salman Khan stress about anything in his recent films. He can take on anyone, beat up any number of goons and shake a leg in between fights so much that we had forgotten that he can act. So this is basically Bhai trying to show he can act, which is very bad idea... because this is completely Ghayal Sunny Deol territory. A wounded lion that strikes back. Unfortunately, it is difficult for us to take a Bhai film seriously.

Bhai likes to wrestle

Salman Khan does not need an excuse to take his shirt off and fight yet another topless dude from the gym. This is something to encourage the boys at the gym and show them what shape you can be in if you followed the Bhai routine. Even when you are about 50, you can play young. You can beat up anyone. Who wants to grow up?

Genre: Drama

Director: Sohail Khan

Cast: Salman Khan, Tabu, Daisy Shah, Nadira Babbar, Danny Denzongpa

Storyline: Pass (The writer was unable to find one)

Bottomline: Fail