The day after Christmas, I jumped when I saw Santa Claus in office. My hopes were shattered when I realised it was my boss Sangeet Naukri Ghusanewala, dressed in red. I had been working with his music placement agency Ullu Banao for six months, and by now understood his mood swings.
“Kansur, I want a game plan for 2018 before lunch,” he shook, rattled and rolled. I had stopped correcting him about my surname. My festive hangover was instantly cured. Ghusanewala arrived on the dot with secretary Bulbul, in a weird outfit that would give Lady Gaga a complex. He spoke first. “I read somewhere that Hindi film music had a terrible year. Let's revive it before March 2018.” I told him songs up to September 2018 film releases would already have been recorded, and it was too late. He snorted, “Okay, what ideas do you have?”
I said, “Sir, indie music is big these days.” He asked what that meant. I explained it stood for independent music. He looked puzzled and asked, “In 2018, who wants to listen to music from the1940s.” Phew. No point explaining. Ghusanewala’s pet monkey Bandar Bhai suddenly played K.L. Saigal’s ‘Jab Dil Hi Toot Gaya’. The boss was confused. Finally, we decided to focus on only one area — helping musicians and venues with tribute shows.
Bulbul had become a Google expert; she chipped in, “Tributes to Elvis Presley, the Beatles and Dire Straits are very popular. Gary Lawyer, Atul Ahuja and the band One Night Stand excel in them. There are so many tributes to R.D. Burman and Mohammed Rafi in Mumbai.” Ghusanewala wasn’t convinced. “Anybody can do that. Give me something out-of-the-box,” he declared. I wanted to run, but my salary was just six days away. My mind started wandering. Suddenly I erupted like Mount Etna. “Why don't we arrange tributes for Dhinchak Pooja and that guy Motu Badtameez?”
Bandar Bhai gave me a high five. Ghusanewala had to agree. By 4 p.m., we had our strategy ready. Besides these two, we would arrange a tribute for YouTube sensation IAmTooHotttBabyyy, whose boyfriend hasn’t met her in four months because all day and night, he’s just pressing buttons to increase her hits and likes. We immediately advertised and did some counter-research. The Beatles tribute had only four takers, R.D. Burman had 12, Arijit Singh had 27. On the other hand, Motu Badtameez got 246, and Dhinchak Pooja managed 1,365. Ghusanewala was thrilled. “Kansur you are a genius. Half bottle of vodka more for you daily,” he beamed. Aah, Santa Claus at last.
The real work begins now. Of these auditions for DhinPoo, MotBad and HotBab, how to select the worst. But we will pull through. Ghusanewala has volunteered to do the Motu Badtameez tribute himself. He looks the part. As an agency, Ullu Banao has never failed in its mission and vision. Happy New Year!
