How to deal with patronising people, who may also be arrogant, belittling, insensitive, pompous, self-important, smug, snobbish, thick-skinned, unobservant, or all of these at once?
First, don’t take this personally, advises Mike Leibling in ‘ How People Tick ,’ second edition ( >www.vivagroupindia.com ). A practical way of moving forward is to show respect for their self-image, and then get to the point, he recommends. “For example, you might say, ‘I know you’re very busy with a lot of high-level issues right now, but I need three detailed minutes with you so I can get a very clear brief of what exactly you need from me, please.’”
Mr. Leibling acknowledges that some people have a keen sense of people’s positions and equate a ‘high’ organisational position with a high value as a person. “I know people who talk of managers as ‘high-ups’ or ‘superiors’. This is a throwback to Victorian snobbery at its worst! A ‘higher’ position should reflect a higher level of valued skills, not a reflection on the person’s value as a human being.” A healthier approach, especially in teams, is to refer to people simply by their job titles, such as directors or managers, the author suggests.
Managing the mind-changers
Towards the end of the book are a few special categories of difficult people, such as ‘U-turners,’ who may also be backtrackers or mind-changers. “They’d agreed to a deadline, now they say they didn’t. They recommended X and now they recommend Y. They wanted pizza, and now they want pasta. They never stick to what they said. We never know where we are with them.”
By changing what they originally said or meant, they create confusion and distrust, explains Mr. Leibling. “The key is that these people – if we think back – were never confident in what they said in the first place, but we probably overlooked that at the time as we were happy to have a decision or agreement to rush off with.” So, when faced with such people, give them time, he counsels.
Another of his useful tips is to avoid making complex decisions in meetings. “We should be sent away, asked to think through the issues and implications, do whatever research we feel is necessary and then put our name to a recommended course of action or inaction by a certain deadline.” Importantly, the author adds that everyone should be clear that ‘I don’t know what to recommend yet’ is a perfectly responsible position to hold.
Ready takeaways to help resolve tricky situations.
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