The Hindu : Tamil Nadu / Chennai News : Family is no longer what it was

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Tamil Nadu - Chennai

Family is no longer what it was

City Bureau

Several women stop working after childbirth, but they struggle to live on

— PHOTO: K. PICHUMANI

HAPPY FAMILY: Parents who spend time with their children ensure the children’s healthy psychological development, say experts.

CHENNAI: With more women opting to work full- time, there has been a change in the way the family works as a unit. Traditional ideas of raising a family are being replaced with radical decisions such as staying single or couples choosing not to have a child. Even those couples who raise a family see how different growing up has become for their children today, as compared to their own childhood.

Difficult choices

Couples who raise a family are sometimes unprepared for challenges in the modern professional world. The new work regime includes night shifts for which many families must make room. Elderly couple Devayani and Swaminathan agreed to take care of their toddler granddaughter as their son and daughter-in-law work on night shifts. “I can manage the cooking too, but I wish there were 48 hours in a day,” Ms. Devayani says.

A. Simon Peter decided to invest his time on bringing up his children. He raised his first son and now his second child is also growing up with him while his wife works abroad. But it was a difficult choice, he admits, as parenting prevented him from expanding his business.

A child growing up among working parents tends to be alternately neglected or pampered, note doctors. Parents themselves experience guilt and depression as they are unable to meet the standards they set for themselves.

“They end up pampering the child. This may further affect the personality of the child,” says psychiatrist P. Poorna Chandrika. A single, precious child grows up selfish and lonely, without understanding the importance of sharing, she points out.

Though crèches provide safe havens for children, experts say there are serious implications for the development of the child as a social being when it is starved of parental attention. “The child may develop mistrust and rebellious tendencies from lack of affection,” says psychotherapist G. Rajamohan. “Early deprivation in the child may lead to lack of confidence, sense of fear about the inconsistent world, insecurity, lack of initiative, shame and doubt, poor communication skills and revengeful nature,” he says.

Such children could develop “personality disorders such as schizophrenia if genetic factors and other precipitating factors are available in the immediate environment,” he adds.

Dr. Poorna Chandrika cautions against sending nursing infants to crèches: “The artificially fed infant deprived of maternal warmth may also develop growth problems including obesity. Parents should spend quality time with their baby whenever possible.”

Possible solutions?

Does postponing pregnancy help solve these problems? Perhaps not, for doctors say the stressful work could result in discordant marriages. “The high level of stress also leads to hormonal changes, infertility and marital disharmony in couples,” points out psychiatrist S. Aravindan.

The decision to delay childbearing brings with it a host of physical risks to the mother and affects the psychological growth of the child, says gynaecologist K. Hephzibah.

In many families women give up working after childbirth, but many women struggle to live with the decision. Keerthi Prabhu, psychologist at a private hospital, says, “There are cases of women suffering from depression because they could not go to work after having children.”

Remaining childfree

For some, opting out of parenting is a matter of choice. Kasturi Basu, a publishing firm employee, says she and her husband work long hours.

More than pressure at work, the reason for not having a child is that they are simply not ready for it for now.

“Society expects you to get married, have a child. We are not crusading against having a child or anything... but it is a lifetime responsibility,” says Ms. Basu.

Then there are those who would rather not bring a child into today’s world.

Freelance writer Asma says, “It’s almost impossible to bring up a child as a human being. Even if you say your child is non-denominational, the world insists on labelling it with a religious, caste and national identity as soon as it is born”. “And having these identities means that anybody who does not share the same identity is different and is to be rejected, hated or feared”, the writer says.

(With inputs from R. Sujatha, Aloysius Xavier Lopez, Kannal Achuthan and Sruthi Krishnan)

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